Husband got our helper pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am married, but my husband and I are not living together. He has left me for a young woman. I am in my 50s.

We employed this girl as our helper. She was a very good helper. She had one child. She took care of our children. We did not treat her differently from our children. When we had dinner, she ate with us, and the place was always kept clean. I got to love this girl very much for different reasons.

When I became ill, she washed every piece of my clothes, including my underwear. I do not have many relatives here in Jamaica. She took care of my husband's clothes very well. She is a good cook, and I can tell you about the things that she did as a helper that caused me to love and appreciate her. We paid her very well. Her child stayed with her and passed to go to high school.

I do not know when my husband and this girl got together. But one day I saw her looking sad and I asked her what the problem was; she said she wasn't feeling well. So I asked my husband if he had insulted her or caused her to be upset and he said no. One day, she told me that she was leaving the job and I asked her why. She said she just couldn't continue and she was feeling tired. Another day, she asked me for time to go to the doctor, and I told her to go ahead. I called her later and asked her what the doctor said; she said she would tell me when she saw me. When I got home she did not say anything. I became very concerned about her. She packed up everything she had in the house and left me a note saying she was pregnant for my husband. I almost fainted. My husband is a quiet man.

I called her and asked her how long she and my husband were having an affair; she said it had been for a long time. He got her pregnant one Sunday when everybody had gone to church and he came into her room and had sex with her. He told her he was going to pull out and not discharge in her, but he did not pull out. My husband said that she was lying. So I called the girl and told her what he said. She said that when the baby is born we can do a DNA test. She also said that my husband wanted her to do an abortion, but she did not agree because she only had one child.

My husband finally admitted that she was carrying his child, and that he made a big mistake. This girl admitted that they were lovers and he did not want her to keep another man with him. When the child was born, this girl gave the child my husband's full name, and she calls him Junior. I would like to hate the girl, but I can't. I find myself hating my husband for what he has done to me. The girl has been good to me and the children. But sometimes women are very careless with their husbands. I know that, because I have been careless with mine. I asked my husband whether he is still going to do a DNA test and he said no. So I know that he is guilty of getting this girl pregnant.

Y.L.

Dear Y.L.,

Don't blame yourself for what your husband has done. He should have been more careful.

But some people reading your letter would say that you should have been careful with him. The young lady was a good helper and you learnt to appreciate her. You didn't have her there to share your husband, but he took advantage of her. When she realised that she was pregnant, she left the house, and that was the proper thing to do.

I hope your husband will support his child. I am glad that he has admitted that he got involved with her; and I hope that what has happened will not destroy your relationship. I am sorry for what he did, and I am sorry for the girl. She is now very proud of her son, that is why she gave the boy your husband's full name and is calling him Junior.

Pastor