Sleeping with my sister’s husband

Dear Pastor,

I am 43 and I am not proud of what I am about to say. Because of needs, I had to do something that I cannot let my sister know.

I was working and taking care of my daughter and myself. When the pandemic hit Jamaica, I lost my job. I decided that I would leave my daughter with one of my sisters and go to America to see if I could work some money to pay my mortgage. I went to America, but my daughter was not happy living with my sister, and things did not go as planned in America. I was promised a job, but I did not like the type of job nor the people with whom I was working. My brother-in-law came to America and called me. I visited him, and we slept together. It was not planned, but I told him that if I did not pay my mortgage, I would lose my house. I was nearly four months in arrears and I was scared.

My brother-in-law promised that he would assist me. I did not believe him. He assured me that he would, but I had to give him 'something'. I asked him how I could be assured that he would keep his word. He said the only assurance that we needed is that it would never slip out of my mouth that we had sex. I told him no one would ever know. We had sex that night and the following day I went to work. He was leaving for Jamaica, so I went to see him and he gave me US$300. I had sex with him again, and this time I did everything he asked me to do; I did not hold back. He promised that he would pay my mortgage. He kept his word; he paid off the arrears. When I realised that it was paid off, I cried because my sister and I have always been close, and I never thought that I would go to bed with her husband.

Her husband encouraged me to get another job or come home. I asked him how I would manage and he said he would take care of me until I picked up another job; so I came home. This man and I have a thing going; nobody knows. He is a manager. He comes to see me during the day while my daughter is at school. He gives me money every month to pay my mortgage and to help with my daughter. My sister asked me how I am managing and I told her I am managing well because I have a boyfriend. She does not know that it is her husband. I think she would kill me if she found out. I promised this man that the day I find a man, our affair will come to an end and he jokingly said it will not because I have tied him to me, but not with food.

Right now I feel like a kept woman. Whenever I go to see my sister, she is always talking wonderful things about her husband. I can say she is speaking the truth because I have experienced these things with him. My brother-in-law doesn't have anything to worry about because I will never let him down.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

Nobody has to beg me not to condemn them. There are times when I have to be very direct, but I don't condemn anyone, regardless of what they have done.

I encourage people to avoid doing things that can destroy the relationship of others. You know that becoming sexually involved with your brother-in-law is not right. Regardless of how broke you were, that does not make it right, but I am not prepared to condemn you. He saved your house, but it has come with a heavy cost. You continue to have a sexual relationship with him. However, one never knows if this man will slip up, or if you might say something that will cause your sister to find out that her husband is paying all your bills.

I suggest that you try your very best to get a job. I do not know what your qualifications are, but perhaps your brother-in-law can help you to get a job. You said he is a manager, but you didn't mention where or in what company. Please, I beg you, get yourself a job that will pay you well. Learn to pay your own bills.

Pastor