‘Dog’ got me and my sister pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 43 and something is bothering me. I grew up in a poor home. My mother's parents were very poor, so she went out on her own.

She was bouncing around and used to sleep with different men. She had twins. I have a sister who is one year younger than me. My mother was living with a man, but they were always fussing and fighting. One day she told him that she was going to leave him, but he didn't believe her. When he went to work, she packed a few of her belongings and went to Kingston to seek a better life. We didn't hear from her for more than a week. One evening we were very hungry, so I asked a man to help me with some money to buy something for my sister and me. He gave me the money but he said he wanted something from me; I agreed.

The following weekend he brought me some more money and took me away to a secluded place and had sex with me. I did not know that this same man had sex with my sister the same week. He got both of us pregnant. I did not think that he would do that to the both of us. He continued to have sex with us because we did not have anybody to help us. We didn't tell anybody that we got pregnant by him.

My mother eventually called and we told her that we were pregnant and she came to see us. My mother was speechless when we told her who got us pregnant. She put her face between her knees and she wept. All three of us wept together. My mother blamed herself for leaving us. But that was not the main reason why she wept. She told us that the same man had sex with her when she was a teenager.

My mother went to see him and she asked him why he had to behave as a dog. He cursed her and told her that she should not have left her daughters to suffer and we should have protected ourselves. My mother was working in a bar and she had an intimate relationship with the owner. He told my mother to take us to Kingston. My sister got involved with a truck driver and I was doing house work. Even my employers' husbands took advantage of me until I met a couple who liked me. I have been working with them but I have other children for a careless man. He is a womaniser, but he does not admit that he has other women.

One thing I know for sure is that I can rely on him; he pays the rent and provides for the children. My oldest child asked me how come me and my sister got involved with his father and I told him the truth. He does not have any respect for his father, neither does my sister's child. The man is a dog. Our mother is trying and she comes by to see us, but she has not met good men. They are still using her, even in her old age.

This man that I am with says that he will marry me. He is building a house on a piece of land that his grandfather gave him. When he is finished building the house, he has promised to marry me. Imagine having a child for a man who has sex with my mother, and who has a child with my sister. Sometimes I wonder how I have not gone crazy.

S.W.

Dear S.W.,

Sometimes when I hear people call men dogs, I am troubled in my spirit, but perhaps this man cannot even be described as a good dog.

He is a nasty man. He knew that he had a sexual relationship with your mother. He knew the struggles that she faced and the reason why she left rural Jamaica to seek a better life in Kingston. But he took advantage of the situation and had unprotected sex with your sister and you. He did not have to do so. He could have assisted you all financially without going to bed with you

I am glad that you are working and you are happy with your employers. I hope that this man with whom you are living will settle down and marry you as promised. Take care of the children and take care of yourself. Convey my best wishes to your sister and your mother.

Pastor