Mom doesn’t like my dad’s ‘outside’ child

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and living with my parents. I have two sisters and a brother. My brother is the oldest child for my father, but I am the oldest for both parents.

My brother lives on his own and is working. He was living with his mother, but they could not get along. So, my father encouraged him to go out on his own. My father always talks to us about him. He said my brother is too soft, but he has spoken to his mother about her conduct. She is in her 40s, but she goes with different men, even guys in their 20s.

She lost her phone and my brother found it and went through it. I asked him if his mother had a lock on the phone. He said yes, but he took it somewhere and got them to break the code. He said when he looked in it, he realised that one of the men that his mother was having sex with was in his age group. He saw texts from his mother telling the guy how much money she needs from him, because if he does not give her money regularly, she would have to keep other men. He spoke to his mother about what he saw and she cursed him, so he does not have anything to do with her. He took screenshots and showed them to our father. So he paid my brother's first month's rent and deposit.

Before he went to live on his own, my father spoke to my mother and asked her if he could come and live with us, but she did not agree. She said it was my father's 'bastard pitney,' so he should find somewhere and put him. My sisters and I wanted him to come. We are living in a big house and he would not affect us. Whenever we talk about our brother and our mother hears us, she gets upset. She said we are not sure that he is our brother. When she found out about him, she told our dad to get a paternity test done. But my father cursed and told her that he knows that my brother is his child, but he is not sure about the children she has for him. My mother has always held that against my father. He told us that he only said that to our mother because she did not accept our brother. My brother has a good job and we are proud of him. Because my mother does not like him, he does not come to our house. My sisters have photographs of him, and my mother told them that they shouldn't.

I have a girlfriend who is two years older than I am. She comes from a middle-class family. My mother doesn't like her because her father is a politician and she does not like the political party to which he is aligned. Do you think that I should leave my girlfriend to please my mother? I wish my mother would change. My father said that he has regretted marrying her; she behaves like Jezebel.

B.J.

Dear B.J.,

Your brother's mother has a right to her privacy. He should not have gone into her phone.

He knew that his mother has been very promiscuous and that she continued to have multiple sex partners. But that did not give him the right to take her phone to break the code and see much of her dirty tricks. How come your brother was able to do these things without his mother's knowledge? Why didn't she close the phone down?

Your father and your brother's mother stopped having an intimate relationship years ago, so why did he show your father some of the things in her phone? Your brother is an adult and he should learn that he should not share everything with others, even if they are related to him.

Concerning your mother's refusal to having your brother live in the same house with you all - you should not hold that against her. She believes that it would be better for him to be on his own. He did not grow up with her children and what he has done to expose his mother to your father should tell you that he needs much help. On the other hand, your mother should accept him as a part of the family and not continue to curse your father for something that has happened many years ago.

You should not leave your girlfriend to please your mother. I wish you well.

Pastor