My husband is afraid to have sex

Dear Pastor,

My husband and I are in our 50s and we have been married for more than 20 years. We had a very good sex life.

We have one daughter together. She is in the medical field. My husband has got the best treatment we could desire. But since he has had the heart attack, our sex life is almost zero. It is not totally zero, but almost. My husband is so afraid when I tease him and he gets an erection. He tells me that I will kill him; he is fearful that he will get another heart attack.

Both of us have discussed the matter with his doctor, who told me to coax him because he should be able to have sex. I have tried, but he has got me fearful too, because he has been a wonderful partner. I have learnt to go down on my husband, something I did not do before he had the heart attack. He also likes going down on me. But sometimes I do miss doing the real thing.

Do you have any suggestions?

E.B.

Dear E.B.,

I wouldn't want to tell you much because the truth is, I do not know much.

I know that some years ago a friend of mine died suddenly. He was suffering from a heart condition and was on medication. I found out from his woman that one day he was in high spirits and he told her that he wanted them to make love. This excited couple decided to go at it. As soon as they started, the man suffered a heart attack and had to be rushed to the hospital, but he died. It was a mighty big shock to everyone.

You have ways of satisfying this man's desire, and he is also doing his best to satisfy you. I can only say to both of you - you are still relatively young, so do what you can do. Enjoy each other in many different ways. Perhaps there is going to come a time when fear will move from this man and indeed from you, too. Just follow the advice of his doctor. I wish both of you well.

Pastor