Got pregnant after the condom broke

Dear Pastor,

I am a 19 and pregnant. I got pregnant by mistake because my boyfriend and I always use the condom as protection.

This time the condom broke and we did not realise it until we were finished having sex. I was scared because we thought a piece of the condom could have been left in my vagina, but that was not so. On that day, we really enjoyed having sex, but I fretted about getting pregnant, and when I did not see my period, I knew something was wrong. I went to the doctor who told me that I should give myself two more weeks, and if my period did not come, then I might be pregnant. Another month went by and I did not see my period. When I went back to the doctor, he gave me a test and confirmed that I was pregnant. My boyfriend, who is a medical student, told me we should do an abortion, but I told him when my mother was pregnant with me, people told her that she should do that and she said no. If she had aborted me, I would not be around today.

When I told a couple of my friends that I am pregnant, they said that I am going to have a hard time and my boyfriend might not marry me. One of my closest friends told me that the child is not properly formed as yet, so I can terminate the pregnancy. My boyfriend has not said another word about me having an abortion. He has promised to stand by me, but he doesn't want anybody outside of my family to know that he got me pregnant. He is not a Jamaican and his parents are supporting him while he is here.

I love this man very much and he is always at our home. My mother likes him and she would do anything for him. She recently asked him what he will do with me and he said he is thinking of marrying me and taking me with him to his country. He said he does not have a girlfriend there. I cannot blame him for anything but the condom that he used must have been defective. Sometimes I tell him that we should give up this child for adoption and set ourselves free from the responsibility of raising a child that we did not prepare ourselves to have.

My mother said that she would take care of the baby. I really love my mother and I believe that she would be a good grandmother, but that would be tying her up when she should be relaxing. My mother is in her early 70s. What advice could you give to me on this matter?

- Initial Withheld.

Dear Writer,

The condom is considered to be one of the safest methods of contraceptive and as you know from experience, they can break.

Some men have told me that they knew when the condoms they were wearing broke; but some did not. Some condoms were too small and they slid off the penis. Anyhow, I am not here to give a lesson on condoms because you know what has happened.

Your big concern is whether you should give up this child for adoption or accept the promise from your mother that she would take care of her grandchild. From the tone of your letter, you are not prepared for motherhood. You believe that you are going to be tied down, so to speak, as a young woman. The decision to keep this child after birth should be made between you and the father. The decision should also be in the best interest of the child.

So think about it, discuss it with the father and your mother, and then make your decision.

- Pastor