He has me weak in the knees

Dear Pastor,

I am a Christian woman and I am more than 65 years old. When I lost my husband 10 years ago I told myself that I would never become involved again.

I remained celibate for five years, but I changed my mind recently. I went to a function and was introduced to a man, who was there with his sister and her husband. It was love at first sight. I did not know that love can make a person so nervous. We were sitting together, four of us, and the man asked me if I could sit privately with him. My sister winked and told me to go with him.

We were seated at a different table, just the two of us, and as I looked into the man eyes, I fell in love with them. My knees started to tremble as if I was a young girl. He said, 'I can see that you are nervous', and I told him yes. He said I should order a drink and it would knock the nerves away.

We laughed and called the waiter and I ordered a fruit punch and he laughed. He asked the waiter for suggestions for a drink for me and the waiter responded, 'why don't you try some wine, Miss'. I agreed to having the wine.

My sister had told this man a little about me. We had some wine and he held my hands -- something I have not allowed any man to do in years. When the evening was about to come to an end, my sister suggested that the two of us remain for another couple hours. She said that they would come back for me when he is ready. I objected, but I did not seriously object.

PROPOSAL

This man stayed with me and questioned me. He asked me how I am managing financially. I told him I was doing alright. He flew out of the country few days after, but he speaks to me every day, and he has proposed to me over the phone.

I don't need anything from a man. I have a good pension and my house has been paid for. I only require companionship from time to time.

Do you believe in love at first sight? I do not want to make any mistake. All this man's children are grown and he lives alone. He is anxious for us to get married and live together. He does not have to work, but he keeps occupied by driving a school bus, and he is not in any major debt. He owes only a small amount on his house and in two years it would be fully paid for.

Do you think I should take the plunge and marry this man? We have never had sex, but he says the next time he sees me he can prove to me that he can function very well. I told him that I only hope that he is not a bag of mouth.

Pastor, what do you say?

- L.M.,

Dear L.M,

You are moving too fast. Is is nervousness why you were shaking so much or is it anxiety? You were meeting the man for the first time and you were carrying on as if you were hot, very hot for you know what.

Your sister might be encouraging you to have a relationship with this man, but you don't know enough about him. So you should give yourself more time to get to know him.

He told you that he will soon pay off his mortgage, but what about other debts he may have? Does this man owe a lot of money on his credit cards? You can't always trust these men who live abroad and come to Jamaica to look for women.

Don't just listen to your sister. Talk to your sister's husband and let him help you to check this man out, but I say go slowly on this relationship because at your age you shouldn't make any mistake. If the time comes and you believe that you should marry this man, both of you should go for counselling. Many older men don't want to go for counselling because they may have some major thing hiding in their closets that they don't want to divulge. If he does not want to go for counselling, don't marry him.

- Pastor