Compliment or sexual assault?

You would have to be living under a very large rock to not have heard about Chris Gayle's failed attempt to woo an Australian reporter on live TV during an after-game interview and the hoopla that followed.

Of course, there were a lot of comments about the 'flirting' itself, the disciplinary actions, the apology, and everything else in between. Even I had something to say about the debacle, which you can watch on my YouTube Channel - Dr Sexy TV.

Now I want to address the exchange that started it all, the comment that Chris Gayle made to the reporter. I think his response and subsequent comments are indicative of a much deeper issue that we face in our society - sexual assault.

This is a term that makes many people uncomfortable, and gets many more accused of being 'too sensitive' and trying too hard to be 'politically correct'. What is sexual assault? What is a compliment?

Personally, I felt that he was inappropriate and unprofessional. I think that he should have waited for a time when he could have had a personal conversation with her and take it from there.

He further compounded the offence when she was visibly uncomfortable by calling her 'baby'. Clearly, there are people who feel that it was a harmless flirtation, and that the world just really hates black men so everything they do is a problem, but I digress.

I think it is important to differentiate between a compliment and sexual assault because I, like many women moving around Jamaican society, experience these types of comments daily.

On an average day, as I go through my activities, I come across men in various capacity, and they look at me and decide that they have to say something.

Many of the comments range from "Sexy!", "mi woulda eat yuh", "yuh look like yuh coulda tek a good nine inch" or "stiff nipple". It's not all bad, but very rarely I would hear a man say, "You look lovely today" or "Hello, good morning". I cringe inside every time I hear these aggressive comments that these men say to me.

Sometimes they grab my arm and when I snatch it away, they proceed to curse me and the language only gets more colourful. If I were to count how many of these encounters I have each day, it would be tiring.

When I tell my male friends about these encounters, their comments blame me. They are basically telling me that because I am an attractive woman then men cannot help but offer me big penises.

Their feedback is completely in sync with the attitude of society when it comes to sexual assault - that it is the victim's fault. That is not good enough. Men need to understand what is acceptable, and offering a random woman they don't know a penis is not. Instead, compliment her smile or her outfit or just say good morning.

And ladies, we need to let these men know that we have a problem with them being abusive, as part of the problem is that we accept the bad behaviour.

I encounter many people throughout the day and I understand that we are different, but we will only improve as a people when we start to address these issues.

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or Tweet me @drsexyann or Facebook www.facebook.com/allaboutthesexy Website: www.drsexyann.com

Question

Dear Dr Sexy-Ann,

What is 'sweet water' and can I get pregnant from it?

Sheena, Sav

Dear Sheena,

'Sweet water' is the pre-ejaculate (pre-cum) that is secreted from the penis when it's erect. It moisturises the penis in preparation for intercourse.

Though it doesn't have as much sperm as semen, there are a few, so yes it is possible to get pregnant from it.

Stay sexy,

Dr Sexy-Ann