Why do People Cheat?

As a child growing up, I was exposed to fairy tales. Snow White, Aladdin and Beauty & the Beast. But my favourite was The Little Mermaid.

I loved the story of the young mermaid who felt trapped and wanted to explore the world beyond her underwater kingdom. I especially loved the love story - how she fell in love with the handsome prince and they lived happily ever after.

The problem with loving fairy tales is that they are not effective lessons for the real life. I mean, can you imagine the handsome prince in The Little Mermaid cheating on Ariel with some random human woman? Or even imagine them getting divorced? That would completely destroy the story.

Real life relationships have conflicts, fights, divorce, and cheating. Let's talk about cheating. I have been looking a lot about the role that infidelity has played in our society. How it affects the couple, the overall family, and the community? Cheating has become so commonplace in our society that it's expected as a part of being in a relationship. How many of us have thought that it's is inevitable that we will get cheated on at some point?

There are many arguments as to the reasons people cheat - they are varied and subjective. From the 'monogamy is not natural' to 'Man fi have nuff gal an' gal inna bungle'.

The truth is it's ultimately a choice. Deciding to become sexual with someone outside of your spouse is something that one has to choose for it to happen. Personally, I don't care about the reason, as much as I hate the deception. If you are experiencing a lack in your relationship, the best way to deal with it is not to include a third party in your problems. It's even worse to be making decisions on behalf of your partner without their knowledge or permission.

I will not pretend that we will ever live in a world where every couple is completely faithful to each other, but I would like to see us be more upfront with each other. Be clearer with your expectations of your partner so they know what they're working with. If you can't commit to a monogamous relationship, don't pretend that you can. There are people who would be just as happy to be a part of a polyandrous (multiple partners) situation. Don't make assumptions, it's better to be clear about what you want than to settle for something you don't want and sneak around with what you do.

CHEATING CULTURE

Cheating is an integral part of Jamaican culture, so much so that Jamaican men have been trying to convince women that they had no choice but to share. Women are also skilled in their infidelity because they have figured out they cannot get everything from one man. If we intend to continue trying to be in monogamous relationships, then we would have to make some fundamental changes to how we relate to each other. For some persons, they have accepted that their partners cheat, they just don't want to hear about it. Some persons keep very close tabs on their partners and monitor everything that they do via various methods.

Men and women deal with being cheated on very differently - most relationships where the woman is on the receiving end, she stays in the relationship. However, if it's the man who is on the receiving end, most of the relationships end.

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or Tweet me @drsexyann or Facebook www.facebook.com/allaboutthesexy Website: www.drsexyann.com

Question

Dear Dr Sexy-Ann,

I need to find a man. I am tired of being alone. I don't go anywhere other than work and church but I cannot seem to find anyone I want. The men at church are already taken and I don't want the ones I work with. Please help

Michelle, Portmore

Dear Michelle,

Sounds to me like you need more than a man, you need a life. If all you do is go to work and church, how do you expect to meet new people? You can do many things that will not offend your religion and you can have more fun so you don't feel so lonely. So get out there and try something new, meet some new people; who knows, you might even meet a man.

Good luck,

Dr Sexy-Ann