He’s no longer into me

Dear Pastor,

I am 32 years old and I have been in a relationship with a 43-year-old man for the past three years. Looking on at this man from the outside, he is all a woman would want.

He has children of his own but he still manages to take care of me and my sons without complaining. He encourages my children and they see him as a father figure. He lives in Canada but he comes home for short visits two or three times per year.

Things were okay from the beginning, and just like in every relationship, we have misunderstandings and disagreements. During the first year of our relationship, we spent a reasonable amount of time together. We went out on dates, sat and had conversations about where we were in the relationship and where we wanted to be, and most importantly, we found ways to make up for the time we were apart.

I work a full-time job but every time when he is visiting I apply for my vacation leave so we can spend quality time together with no interference. I always try to make myself available to him.

For the past two years, every time he visits, we end up spending less and less time together and it bothers me. If he visits for two weeks, I will only see him two or three times per visit.

He would promise to come see me but he would show up and pretend like nothing is wrong. We do not go out any more and we do not converse because when I do see him, he is always tired and wants to sleep. So where sex is concerned, we went from two to three rounds every night for the duration of his stay to quarter rounds. He does other things with his friends.

ALWAYS BUSY

When it comes to us spending time together, he is always busy and has some kind of excuse. If we have something planned, he would call to say that he is out with his friends. I don't have a problem with him being with his friends. I was convinced for a while that this was the man I was going to marry. When we are to have alone time, it is almost impossible. It is like my physical, emotional and sexual needs are not being fulfilled. I feel when two persons are together all those things should matter.

When I try to talk to him, he brushes me off and I find that very disrespectful. I am convinced that there is another person or two. I have no intention to cheat because I love this man and I am doing everything to make this relationship work. I have exhausted all my options. It hurts my mind, my body and my soul. I want this relationship to work. I am looking forward to your reply.

S.A.

Dear S.A.,

This is a one-sided relationship. You are in love with this man but he is not in love with you. It is time for you to move on. This man has not found any sweetness in the relationship with you so do not waste any more time. Physically he can't manage you. That is why you are talking nonsense about the number of rounds that he is unable to do. I wish I could encourage you to stick around. I think that you should end the relationship as soon as possible.

Pastor