‘Fighting those inner demons’ - Woman spreads message of suicide prevention

After being slapped with a manslaughter charge approximately three years ago, Susie*, a 37-year-old mother of four children, went into a 'dark' place and was convinced that suicide was the only way out.

Her retreat from that position has been a long and difficult road back, requiring many long counselling sessions to make her accept the reality that though the court case is not yet over, her life is much too valuable a gift to gamble with it.

The St Catherine woman told THE STAR that her struggles were hard but today she is back to her usual self and is encouraging others faced with similar issues to seek help in fighting their inner demons.

"Suicide is never the answer. Even when you feel like there is no hope, trust mi there is hope. Just stop for a moment and think. There are times when darkness will take you over and the voices in your head will try and control you but fight with your very last breath and don't give in to those voices. Seek help and don't be afraid of what others may think of you. Life is always the answer," she declared passionately.

Saturday, September 10 was observed as World Suicide Prevention Day under the theme 'Creating Hope Through Action'. Across the globe it is estimated that and on average an estimated 703,000 people take their lives each year. In addition, for every suicide there are likely 20 other people making a suicide attempt and many more have serious thoughts of suicide.

Susie's descent into this hell started after she was charged with manslaughter, following the death of a toddler in her care.

"My friend carry her baby to stay with me and she had a bad cold. I keep telling her mother but she never pay me any mind. The baby take sick and died in my care. I didn't know that I could report her to the police at the time and I have four children to take care of," she said.

"I have four children and was fretting about going to prison. There was just no hope, it's like I wasn't thinking clear at all. I didn't know what happen to mi head. Mi never grow up with any love and mi deh pon mi own from mi a teenager. I was from one abusive relationship to the next. I was alone with my kids and I lost my job. I got robbed at gunpoint and all a dem deh a come down pon mi. All a that happen in about three years space," she explained.

Consumed by depression and sadness, Susie said she began hearing voices that kept telling her to end her life and one day she made an attempt to follow the advice of doom.

"Mi couldn't manage and because is like the voice a tell mi about all the bad things that a happen to mi and mi just start scream. A ackee tree at the back of my house and mi just take up a rope and tell myself say mi ago do it. I have a male friend who I used to talk to on the phone and I told him what I was going to do. I was screaming and crying. I was really serious, I wasn't looking any sympathy. I was seeing only darkness and at the time I kept asking God why him make mi born?" she recalled.

Susie's friend pleaded with her not follow through on the act and offered her words of encouragement and then told her about Choose Life Ministries, an organisation that offers suicide prevention and grief counselling.

"A counsellor called me right away as my friend gave them my number. They have been with me for approximately three years. I don't even know how to explain what depression is but it is a terrible thing. These counsellors would talk to me for hours and it helped me to lose everything that was on my heart and believe it or not, it bring me through," she said.

Choose Life International is a faith-based non-governmental organisation registered in Jamaica, in June 2008, and was founded by Dr Donovan Thomas and his wife, Faith.

* Name changed to protect identity.