Survivor urges women to leave abusive relationships

A woman who said she endured verbal and emotional torment from her spouse for almost a decade, is imploring females to walk away from abusive relationships even if things are not physical.

Jane*, who escaped her marriage two and a half years ago, said she is still reeling from the trauma.

"God will make a way, so don't stay in any type of abusive relationship. From yuh push out, somebody will assist. I got the strength to leave because my life is important. Right now my husband doesn't know where the children and I are and I would want to keep it that way," she said. Jane accused her spouse of telling her and her children to touch his anus. She said he also exposed himself to them.

"To be honest, him neva really lick mi, but the words dem weh him use hurt more than licks. The children would be seeing his bottom and penis and that traumatise everybody and mi did tired and fed up of the relationship," she said. "I don't want my boys to come up and take up another woman daughter and treat her suh, and I don't want my daughter to think it is okay for a man to treat her certain way."

Jane said that when she met her husband a little over two decades ago, he was the ideal partner who became a father figure to her three children. But things took a bad turn years later.

"About two and a half years ago, I went on the road and when I came back the children turn to mi and say 'Mommy, daddy leave a message here. Him say him a go run the knife inna yuh and yuh nah go get up back'. Mi never forget those words and that was when mi decide to take mi children and leave," she said.

Jane said that was one of a series of death threats that her husband made against her and she has even sought the intervention of the police. She, however, stated that he has always managed to elude the lawmen whenever they visited their home.

Jane said a friend offered them a space in her home but she only stayed a few months as she felt they had overstayed her welcome.

"A lady who know about the situation said she felt sorry for me because is 19 of us lived in the three-room house. The lady rent a room and put mi and she pay two months' rent and that's where I am living until now," Jane said. Providing for her children, age 18, 12 and 10, has become extremely difficult as Jane is unemployed and ailing.

"Mi daughter is 18 and she a do eight subjects and sometimes mi have to go up the road and beg a taxi driver to take her to school and when she go school, she go to the office for fare to go back home. Right now mi have high blood pressure and mi foot dem swell up to the point where mi can't walk sometimes," she said.

"Right now mi deh at the end of the road because sometimes not even basic tings like food mi can find fi di three children. Sometimes I have to beg people food. I used to work in a supermarket but the foot a swell. Before I move I used to be a farmer, but now I don't know where to turn. But mi nah go back weh mi come from ," she added.

A helpline for survivors of gender-based violence (GBV) has been established at the Bureau of Gender Affairs (BGA). The toll-free line, 1-888-NO-ABUSE, is partly facilitated by Flow in partnership with the United Nations Population Fund and the gender ministry.

Kristal Barton-Ingram, GBV helpline supervisor at the BGA, said the new toll-free line makes the entity more accessible.

"As you can imagine, when someone is in such a crisis and does not have the resources to get the help they need, it makes their situation that much worse. Therefore, this toll-free line is critical to supporting our survivors and restoring hope," said Barton-Ingram. "I encourage every individual who needs support to call us at 1-888-NO-ABUSE where trained social workers are standing by to help them navigate their challenges."

*name changed to protect identity