13 years of torture - Domestic abuse survivor urges victims to overcome fear

For more than 25 years, Mary* has carried both visible and hidden scars of a harrowing marriage that felt more like a prison than a partnership.

But, after enduring 13 years of domestic violence, she found the strength to leave, embarking on a journey of healing and self-discovery.

"I am a survivor," she declared. At just 22, Mary got married and, in the early days of her union, it all seemed promising. But, months after saying "I do", the facade quickly crumbled.

"Initially, he seemed as if I could wrap him around my little finger. But, as the month went by, I realised that this wasn't so, because, before we could celebrate our first anniversary, the physical, emotional, and verbal abuse started," she recounted, adding that the abuse was relentless.

"I was beaten ... and even raped because, after the beating, there was always sex and I could not say no," she said, her eyes filled with sadness. Isolated from her family, Mary was cut off from her support system.

"I couldn't see my mother and my brothers without him," she told THE WEEKEND STAR, adding that even her finances were controlled. "I wasn't able to spend without him standing [there] and purchasing the items." Her children even bore witness to the horrors.

"There was one beating that was so bad that my then three-year-old jumped on his back and bit him until there was blood," she shared, adding that the constant abuse eroded her self-worth. "He told me I was not worthy of love and I started believing him and food became my comfort until I ended [up weighing] 300 pounds," Mary explained.

But her turning point came through her daughter who, at 12 years old, spoke words that pierced through her despair.

"She said to me, 'Mommy, I have no self-esteem. How can you allow Daddy to do this to you all the time?' And it was like the angels started singing. I just knew I had to save not only myself but my children," she said.

With newfound resolve, Mary made her escape. "I went to a friend and told her I just need a mattress and a pillow," she said.

Overcoming fear, she left and began rebuilding her life. A job opportunity abroad further helped in her 'comeback'.

"I worked with Wendy's and thrift shops for 13 months and it gave me the foundation to start again," she said. After returning to Jamaica, Mary filed for divorce and confided in her family for the first time.

"They were shocked. From the outside, my marriage appeared perfect," said Mary, who is now happily remarried and sharing her story to empower other women trapped in abusive relationships

Reflecting on her experience, Mary offered various pieces of advice, including telling abuse sufferers to make a journal.

"Keep a record of whatever is happening to you. It's hard to refute documentation when it's time to confront the abuse," she urged. "Survival is key. Love yourself, because no one can take care of you but you."

On Thursday, Mary was one of several women who attended the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women event at The Jamaica Pegasus hotel. Minister of Gender Affairs, Olivia Grange, highlighted significant strides in addressing gender-based violence in Jamaica. She spoke on the implementation of the Sexual Harassment Protection and Prevention Act 2021, which took effect on July 3, 2023. The act aims to protect individuals from sexual harassment in work, school, and accommodation environments, emphasising the severity of such offences.

"The penalty for breaching a protection order has been increased exponentially from $10,000 to $1 million, or imprisonment for up to one year," she said.

Grange also outlined ongoing efforts to support survivors of gender-based violence, noting the work of the National Shelter Unit, which oversees government shelters for victims.

"To date, two out of three regional shelters are operational. The renovation for the third shelter is just about completed," she reported.

*name changed to protect identity