I want my lover to leave my house

Dear Pastor,

I have been friendly with a man for the past six months. I was married but my husband died. After I buried my husband, this man has been sleeping at my house. My two children live in Canada and they did not want me to live alone. This man knew that I was alone so after everybody left, my neighbours came less and less. He was always here. He worked his way right into me. He was never married.

After six months, we started to fool around a little. It has now been a year since he has been here. We have been in a relationship for six months.

Everybody knows he lives with me. I am 60 and he is 65. I have always been active in my church. These days I don't go often. I told this man that he has to go so that I can serve my God.

He does not want to leave. He said that we can serve God together. I am not interested in getting married again and I wouldn't want to marry him because he is not up to my standard. I don't know what I have got myself into. He is an intelligent man. My husband was sick for five years and so we couldn't have sex. The first time I had sex with this man it was as if I was doing something brand new. If it is the sex part, then I can marry him, but I need more than sex. What can I do to get this man to leave my place?

V.T.

Dear V.T.,

You have gone very far in this relationship. This man is 65 and you are 60. When you consented to have sex with him, you sealed the friendship. By having sex with him, you told him that you have accepted him. Now you are looking back and wondering what you have done.

I am sure you have found him very handy around the house and you love him. On the other hand, you do not wish to get married again. And even if you wanted to get married again, he does not suit your criteria.

What are you going to do? You have told him to go but he is not leaving. If you seriously want him to go, you may consider asking your children to talk to him about it.

Other people know that the man is living at your house but do your children know that he is there? The year is coming to an end and I am sure you want to get back to your church and be active again. You should get the children involved and let them ask him to leave in peace.

If he does not leave, you may have to take out an injunction against him. That would mean that everybody would know that you do not wish to have him around. I hope it does not get to that. You may also change the locks on your doors.

Pastor