I regret marrying so young

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I believe that you can help me. I am a Christian. I got married when I was 21 and my husband was 22.

We used to attend a very strict church. My father was one of the elders. My brothers left the church because they got involved with girls. One of my brother's girlfriends gave birth to twins. My brother wanted to take the twins to the church to be blessed, but the church said they were children of fornication and my father agreed, so my brother was hurt. He and the children's mother went to another church and had the children blessed. My mother attended the blessing. She said that the children were not to be blamed for what their parents did.

My boyfriend and I started to have sex before we got married, and one day my father told me that he suspected that I might be going to bed with my boyfriend. He said that if that was happening, he would encourage me to get married. I never commented on what my father said. But my then boyfriend thought about it and we decided that we loved each other, so we got married.

Looking back now on the problems that we face in our relationship, I regret that we got married so soon. Sometimes my husband doesn't even want to attend church. He finds many faults with the church. My husband and father get along very well. But my father no longer discusses anything about the church with him. He considers him to be a backslider. He attends church on special occasions and he gives me his offering every Sunday.

We have a boy and a girl. When I was growing up, we were not even allowed watch television. Now my husband and I allow our children to do so. We were not allowed to dance in the house. Television was seen as an instrument of the Antichrist. I love to dance. My husband taught me how to dance after we got married. I am not good at it, but he is. If my church should know that I allow the children to dance and watch television, they would discipline me and my parents would be disappointed.

Do you think that I am on my way to hell because I reject most of what the church teaches? My brother and his girlfriend come to the house every Christmas for dinner. You should see how my father plays with his grandchildren. It's a beauty to behold. But my brother told my father that he will never return to that church because the people are backward in the way they think. When I was a child I was not allowed to wear make-up, but on the day I got married, I wore it. My father told me I was looking beautiful. My father gave me away on my wedding day.

N.D.

Dear N.D.,

Children should be allowed to express themselves at home and in school activities.

Church should not restrict them from doing the things that are natural. It is natural for a child to dance when he or she hears music, and there is nothing ungodly about that. But children are great imitators, therefore, even on television, there are some programmes that children should not be allowed to view. I would not encourage parents to look at dancehall programmes around children. Some of what I see sometimes on television is rather vulgar and not suitable for children to see. But I am not here saying that people should not be allowed to view what they want.

It is regrettable that the church did not bless your brother's children and that he had to take them elsewhere. Your husband should realise that there is no perfect church, so I hope that he would return to the church. I am glad that you are still attending there. Don't give up on your church. Thank you for writing.

Pastor