Worthless babyfather got me pregnant again

Dear Pastor,

I am having some issues and would like your fatherly advice.

I am a mother of a two girls, ages seven years and six weeks old. They have the same father. In February, I told him that I was six weeks pregnant and that we needed to get married.

He told me that I said I would never marry him if he got a child outside of the relationship.

Right there and then, I felt that I was being used because we have been together since 2002, in and out of the relationship.

I left him to go back to church, and he wanted to marry me, and at that time, I refused by saying that I was too young.

He was not a Christian, and I wanted him to become one.

I thought that he loved me and cared for me and wanted me to be in his life, but I was thinking wrong.

I wanted us to purchase a bus together so that he could take our daughters to school, along with other children, because there are no taxis on our route.

He should have built a house behind his parents' home, but he said he didn't have the money for that or a wedding.

I tried so many times to arrange a wedding, but he kept on saying that he had no money.

After a time, I even stopped asking him to go to church. I told him that we both could buy the ring.

FORGOT TO PUT ON CONDOM

I don't know how I got pregnant. I wasn't on contraceptives because we were not having sex regularly. When we started again, one time, he claimed he forgot to put on the condom.

I am very poor, and he gives me nothing, saying that I don't want anything because I don't ask him for anything. He said I am 'dark' and 'fool-fool' but he doesn't have it.

So, I just do without anything that I don't have for my child and myself.

I have cried every day and night since he told me that he was getting another child.

My mother and one of my church brothers help me. Their prayers are keeping me alive.

He is supporting his children, and he says that I am the only one. He just loves sex a lot. I asked him if he had someone else, and he said no, but he was lying.

I prayed to God to do something because I was tired of him constantly asking me for sex. because I was in the church, I did not like doing that.

He admitted that he had sex with his friend's sister-in-law. He said she gave him sex because I was not giving him.

I became vexed with him when he told me. He also said that the condom burst and that he was drunk and someone had the car with the condom in it.

I am very sorry for myself, and I feel as if I am going to die because I do not see how I can live through this situation.

We have had good and bad times together. He told me he loves me more than 100 per cent, and I believe him.

Our daughter came home and told me that her dad told her that she has a brother in the community in which she attends school.

I wish that you were near so that I could talk to you in person. I look forward to your response.

N.A.

Dear N.A.,

Lack of respect is the greatest problem you are having with this man. He does not respect you at all. He called you a fool, and he meant it. He is a big liar.

Life is going to be very difficult for you. He has made it so. All this nonsense about the condom is a lie. This man will not marry you, and you should not make yourself a fool by trying to plan a wedding.

He is a wicked man. As soon as you are able, try to get yourself a job. Keep close to your relatives. Let them know that you are willing to plan life without this man.

I have to tell you the truth. For a grown woman, you are very naÔve. You believe that because you didn't have sex with this man for a number of months, he could not have impregnated you when you resumed having sex with him. Get smart, woman.

Pastor