Boyfriend promised to marry me if I got pregnant


January 11, 2019
A pregnant mother caresses her unborn child. Jane Smith feels no such love for the baby which is growing inside her.

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I am 25 years old and I am pregnant. But my boyfriend says he is not ready to get married. Before I got pregnant, he was always saying that he would marry me if he could be sure that I can have a child. I used to live with a man, and this man never used the condom, so I thought that I could not get pregnant.

When I met this man and fell in love with him, I left my former boyfriend. From the day we met and started to have sex, we did not use the condom. So, he always says to me that the only criteria he has for marriage is that I would get pregnant. I believed him. I work in a bar and many guys see me and love me, but I never got involved with them. My boyfriend used to come to the bar and drink, and he always said that he loves me.

Finally, we went on a date and he took me to his home. I did not believe that he was living alone. I asked him about his woman, and he said that she was not living in Jamaica, so I decided to try out the relationship. When I told the man that I was dealing with that I was going to leave him, he did not believe. I left in peace. He told me that if that was what I wanted to do, he would not stop me. He told me to take whatever I wanted, so I took the bed we used to sleep on and the stove, which was new.


The man who I am now pregnant for didn't want anything because his house was furnished. I took the bed and stove to my mother's house. I also took a stool that my boyfriend used to sit on and make love to me.

Pastor, I don't know what to do because this man is telling me now that I should wait on him. Don't you think he is unfair to me?


Dear P.T.,

Not all men keep their promises. Perhaps this man believe that you could not get pregnant, and perhaps you believe that you couldn't get pregnant either, because you were living with a man for many years and both of you were having unprotected sex and you were unable to get pregnant. This new boyfriend believes that you were infertile, so he could just have fun and nothing would happen.

You are fortunate that he has not said that the child you are carrying is not his. However, there is absolutely nothing that you can do to force this man to marry you. As I write, I am wondering whether this man still has a doubt in his mind that he impregnated you and whether he is waiting until you have given birth to see whether the child resembles him or someone from his family. Maybe that will make him feel sure that he is the father.

I hope that he would marry you. But after you have giving birth, remember that you should not have unprotected sex with him anymore, because he is not a man who keeps his word.


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