Throwing out my boyfriend if he doesn’t propose

Dear Pastor,

I am a guidance counsellor and you have helped me immensely. I often refer your column to many of the young people that come to see me. Many of them read your column.

Sometimes when I am talking in groups and your column is mentioned, I get their attention. You are doing a good work. I have a little problem of my own. I have a boyfriend.

This relationship has been going on for two years but it seems like it has been a decade. This man never has money and yet he wants us to get married. I go to church; he was against that. But I told him that he cannot stop me from attending church. He used to want us to go to the beach on a Sunday. But I have refused to go. He now attends church with me.

I have given him a deadline. I told him that I have to set an example for others to follow. I can continue paying the mortgage but I can't allow him to use me and we are not getting married.

I told him that I was giving him until the end of the year before I put him out. And I am going to put him out because he has nothing. I own everything in this house.

All he has is the thing he has before him and that is not difficult for me to get. Don't think I am rude Pastor, I am just telling you the truth. What advice do you have for me?

B.M.

Dear B.M.,

I am glad to know that from time to time you have been able to use my column as a source material and you have found it to be helpful.

Concerning this man with whom you have been living, the big mistake you made was to allow him to move in with you. The man is so comfortable. He does not feel that he has to marry you to enjoy what married people enjoy. Perhaps you were 'trying out' this living together business. But in life everything comes with a cost. It is not just love that should bring people together. Love is only the starting point. It cannot go to the supermarket, it cannot pay the electricity or the mortgage. It is money that takes care of these things.

That man is getting all these benefits from you for free. Perhaps he is saying to himself all the time, 'why buy a cow if you can get the milk for free?'.

You are just waking up and I hope that you would not back down from what you told him. Now I don't encourage couples to give each other ultimatums but sometimes it is necessary and in your case it is.

Pastor