Afraid to tell dad about my new guy

Dear Pastor,

Please, I am asking you for your advice. I am 18 years old and I grew up with my parents and my sister. My parents were very strict but they allowed us to go out if they knew where we were going. My first date with a guy was to an event in New Kingston. The young man had to pick me up from home and bring me back. He told my father that I would be home by 9 p.m. and my father told him that he could make that 10 p.m. I felt so very special.

My sister was in college at the time in the US. She gave me all the tips she could on how to conduct myself with this guy. When we got hungry, this guy took me to a certain place.

My father had given me $3,000 and told me that I should offer to pay for my meal. The young man would not have it and I refused to have him pay for my meal. It was the first time a man was paying for me at a restaurant. I told him I would split the bill and he said no. So I allowed him to pay all of it and I promised him that I would pay next time. I told my girlfriends what happened and they called me a fool. They told me that I should never agree to pay for meals if I am taken out.

It is my time now to take out this guy, because he has got to know my father and my father is always asking for him, but I do not like him that much. I like another guy my father has not yet met. This guy who took me out on my first big date likes to gamble and I do not like a gamblers, and from what I understand, he has a few girlfriends. I told my father that I don't think I want to go out with him again and my father did not question me.

How can I break the news to my father that there is another guy who likes me and I like him and I would like to take him home? This guy is a student engineer. Pastor, I really like him, so please answer me.

B.L.

Dear B.L.,

It seems to me that you have grown up in a lovely home and your sister, yourself and your parents have had a good relationship. Your parents have taught their children that, whenever they wish to go on dates it is wise for the parents to know with whom they are going and where. There are good reasons for that. Anything can happen when children go on dates and the parents are not aware of where they have gone or where they are going. You are a smart girl. Your father is a good man.

He gave you enough money to share with the young man to pay for the dinner and perhaps even to pay for the whole dinner. The gentleman did not allow you to spend your money; he was a real gentleman and he took you home on time. You may never get to take him out because you do not like him very much. But the first date was a great experience for you.

Tell your father about the other guy who you like and don't worry yourself at all. You may have to go on many dates until you decide to choose the man with whom you may settle.

There are some people who believe that, after going on a couple of dates with a man, he owns you. Nobody owns you. You make your own decisions.

You do not like this young man. One reason why so many girls get into trouble is because they settle on a life partner too soon. You should go on as many dates as possible until you have met the man you believe would make you his wife and that man has the criteria you are looking for. So tell your parents about this other guy that you like and move on from there.

Pastor