Creep tried to hold me down in his parents’ house

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. Growing up, I shared a room with my siblings, two brothers and a sister. My parents were poor but proud. My father worked very hard as a farmer.

Our house was small, only two bedrooms. My parents occupied one and the children the other. I remember what it was like for us girls when my father built a bathroom. Our brothers never had to follow us to the outside bathroom at night. My parents taught the boys to turn their backs to us if we were using the 'chimmy'.

When I met my boyfriend, he told me how much he loved me and how life would be better. I was in my first year in teachers' college. I told my parents about him and my father told me that mouth was made to say anything, so I should not put my mind on this man and, if he loved me, he would wait on me. During the break from college, my parents were looking forward to seeing me come home. I lied to them and went with him to see his relatives. He wanted to sleep with me but I objected. I was a virgin,, and when his folks were asleep, he tried to hold me down and I screamed and bit him and he let me go. I did not sleep for the rest of the night. The next day, I packed my stuff and told them I was leaving. I did not have much money.

They asked me to wait until I had breakfast but I refused. He went away and, after an hour, he came back with money to give me for transportation. Pastor, this man burst up my underwear and I hated him for that.

You may never understand Pastor, but the love I had for him turned to hate. This man made me scared of all men and I didn't care what they told me, I didn't believe them. Even when they said they were Christians, I didn't believe them.

Finally, I am now seeing another guy. He asked me what went wrong with my first boyfriend but I have not told him. He, too, has asked me for sex. We have not done that as yet, but he is very tender towards me. I have not yet introduced him to my parents. I am giving the relationship time. The guy who tried to force me to have sex with him always sees me and tells me that I am his wife. I told him that I will not be his wife in this world or the world to come. He said that he still does not have a girlfriend because I broke his heart.

I.S.

Dear I.S.,

You are a very wise young lady and your former boyfriend is nothing but a fool. First of all, let me start by saying that I am glad your parents brought up your siblings and yourself well and, although they did not have a formal education, they wanted all their children to have a formal education. This young man you considered to be your boyfriend back then is a great pretender, and what happened between both of you should teach you to be careful and you cannot always trust every man who tells you that he loves you. What an awful man that guy was! Right in his parents' house, he tried to rape you. He had no respect for you.

You speak highly of your present boyfriend, I hope both of you will give the relationship time to grow. Put the Good Lord first in everything you do and He will lead you.

Pastor