Fooled me with talk of marriage

Dear Pastor,

I have been living with a man in common-law for three years and we have a child together. When we first met, he said he would marry me if I agreed to have a child by him.

It so happened that soon after I made that promise I became pregnant. I told him that I never wanted to have the child outside of marriage so we should set the wedding date. Everything I said to him, he agreed. He took me to the jewellery store and had me choose an engagement ring and a wedding band. I told him I would like for us to have a little engagement party.

He said that was not necessary, so on the Sunday evening, he had prayer over the ring and put it on my finger. I went to work the Monday morning sporting an engagement ring and my co-workers came around and congratulated me. The next step was for us to get married. But it has not happened. Every date we made, he changed them. It is so frustrating.

The child will be two years old very soon. His mother loves me, but recently when I was complaining to her, she told me that she and his father are not married and they have been together for a long time, nearly 30 years. His father told her that he was not the marrying type, so I should not just stay with this man, because it seems as if he was not the marrying type, either.

So she said that, woman to woman, if I see any other man who loves me, I should leave him, and I should not tell anybody what she told me.

J.L.

Dear J.L.,

This man's mother cannot force her son into marrying you. She has told you that his father told her that he is not the marrying type after he was with her for many years. This young man tricked you. He gave you the impression that all was well between both of you. He took you to a store, chose rings and engaged you privately, but has not married you.

He has made a fool out of you. You went to work showing everybody your engagement ring. You could not give them a date for the wedding, and you had your baby and you are still with him. Perhaps this man is behaving like some other guys. They think that a woman is just for taking care of them and the house, and they use them for sex, and also as helpers. But they do not respect them, and if the women should object to having sex with them because they are tired of being used, they are not afraid to declare to them that they can find other women.

All you have got out of this relationship are three rings and a child. He has got the best of you; are you prepared to give him more? Take his mother's suggestion and leave him. Don't tie up yourself anymore by having another child. Keep your legs tightly closed. He is not a good man.

Tell him that you are willing to return the rings that he gave you because you are leaving him, and you don't have a man. But tell him that after you leave him, you are going to search for a man and you are going to make sure that this other man is truthful and can take care of you. I wish you well. I support his mother. Leave this good-for-nothing liar.

Pastor