My daughters don’t like my new man

Dear Pastor,

I am a 50-year-old widow. My husband died five years ago and I have met a man, who is also 50. We have been dating, but it is mostly house dates. We do not go out a lot.

He mostly visits my house. This man likes to dress up and he does not relax easily. I am beginning to love him but my children are not fond of him. I have two daughters. One of them came home and saw him here and told me that she did not like the way he was looking at her. I told her that she needed to get to know him first because he was a fine man.

She takes good care of me. This man also has two children and I love them. This man wants us to get married. My children say that I should not marry him because he has nothing. But Pastor, I do not need anything but love.

I have some more years to work before I stop working and get my social security. I do not want my children to control my life. My children are upset with me because I told them the truth.

M.J.

Dear M.J.,

It is always good to talk to your children and to hear how they feel about your relationships, especially when you are in your senior years. You are only 50 but you have lost your husband. Your body is not dead. You see the need for a partner. This 50-year-old man is around and available. He is fond of you and you are fond of him. Why should your children object to this relationship? You should tell them to butt out. You should refuse to be controlled by them.

You and this man should make sure that you are not in great debt. At your age, you should not be paying any large amount for mortgage or any mortgage at all. Sometimes a little mortgage is avoidable, but I repeat, no big debts, especially debts that are not essential. You should also have a substantial amount of money in your retirement or pension funds.

Both of you should seek professional advice. It will even hurt if you make a prenuptial agreement before you say 'I do'. So what I am trying to say is make sure that you go to see a lawyer and put solid plans together, and that you also attend a number of counselling sessions together before the big day.

Don't hide anything from each other, but that final decision is yours and not your children's.

Pastor