Sister’s ex-boyfriend wants to marry me

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and my boyfriend is 29. We met through my brother as they both used to work at the same company. They used to be friends but because of what happened, my brother does not talk to him as before. The day we met, he came to a party with us and we were dancing and flirting. However, the following day I was talking to my older sister and she said he was way too old for me and he was only going to be around for one month because of his job. She said also that I should go and have fun since I liked him. I told her that I didn't know how to have sex without being emotionally attached. She asked for his number and that is where I messed up. The other day I was on the phone with the guy and we were talking about meeting up and getting to know each other better, only to realise that my sister and the guy were having the same conversation. After two days she came and asked me if it was okay with me to go to the park with the guy.

I was shocked and hurt but I said no. I was upset because this guy was still planning to meet with me. However, we kept texting each other and a few days later the guy was at my house to see my sister. I said nothing. I just locked myself away in my room.

This guy started to stay over at our house many times and my sister knew that I still liked him. Even after I brought it up to her she did nothing about it. She works most of the time so I was left at home with the guy most of the time. We would talk for hours and we would cook together, go shopping and she would normally tell me to make breakfast for him and to accompany him to many places because he was new in the area. She even sent me to check on him when he had a hangover. I ended up in bed with him and we cuddled until I fell asleep. My brother walked in on us and that is when my sister found out. They broke up and the guy and I started to go out more because I could not talk to anybody about the situation. She left our house and went to live abroad because she said she didn't know how to look at me because I betrayed her. She extended her stay when I told her I had sex with him and that we were dating. However, I was hiding this from my family. I was spending different nights at his place but my family thought I was at my friend's house.

He recently asked me to marry him and I said yes, but we would have to wait until I finish college. That was not the first time he proposed. I don't know how my family will react. He said I should not think about my family because they will come around eventually. I am not sure that they will come around and I don't want to lose them as family. I do love him and I know he would be a good husband, but I don't want to risk my family for it. I need your urgent advice.

K.J.

Dear K.J.,

From the very outset your sister wanted this guy who showed interest in you. In plain Jamaican term, she did everything to 'tek him weh from yuh'. She succeeded for a while and both of you ended up sleeping with this guy. Your sister has no shame. She knew how you felt about the guy but yet she slept with him while you were there. On the other hand, I don't know if this guy is for real. He used your sister and she couldn't take it and she went away. Now he is asking you to marry him and telling you that you don't have to worry about your relatives.You should talk to the same brother that caught you in bed with this guy. I don't think you should trust him and my suggestion to you is that you end the relationship with him right away. By the way, why doesn't he want you to talk to your family about his proposal? What is he hiding and what is he afraid of?

Pastor