I fell in love with my boss

Dear Pastor,

I have been a reader of your column, but I never thought the day would come when I would write to you. I am in my 40s and I was engaged to a man for nearly 10 years. His mother never liked me, but this man and I got along well. He helped me to go to university, but left Jamaica after he got an opportunity to study overseas.

He asked me to pledge that I would be faithful to him while he was away. The day before he left, he bought me an engagement ring, which he placed on my finger and told me that whenever I was tempted to go out with any man, I should remember that I was wearing his ring.

I wore the engagement ring almost every day. That was until I heard that he had a girlfriend in America. His sister told me so. I asked him about it and he admitted it, so I broke the promise that I made that I would not look at any other man. I started to go out and have a good time. The first time I did so, it was with my boss.

My boss' wife died and I went to his house to assist him one weekend. He lives in this big house and he 'put question' to me. The first thing he said to me was, how would I like to live in this house. I didn't answer. However, I kept thinking about this old man. After a while, we began seeing each other. However, whenever I was at work he would not say much to me, so nobody knew about our relationship.

I stopped wearing the ring my boyfriend gave me and I told him that the relationship was over, and he said that as far as he knew, the relationship cannot be over.

Pastor, the relationship is over because this man got married to a woman in America in order to get his green card. She has five children. I can now marry this man who is much older than I am, as we have been lovers for two years. He pays all my bills, and his children and I get along very well. This man in America says that I am only with this man to get what I can get. We have a challenge because he does not want another child, but I would like to have one in order to feel fulfilled as a woman.

The man who is overseas, to whom I got engaged, said that I can't be trusted. However, I did not cheat on him until he started to cheat. He said that he is going to tell this man who has proposed to marry me that I was giving away myself to other men.

Pastor, I have told this man everything already, and I am not ashamed to say that after realising what my boyfriend did to me, that I have gone to bed with at least six guys. However, I still consider myself a good girl. What do you think?

M.

Dear M.,

Let me begin by telling you that you are very unfortunate. The man who engaged you perhaps had good intentions. Perhaps he really thought that he would return to Jamaica and marry you. Both of you loved each other, but when he got to America everything changed, and he looked for the easy way out; and the easy way for him in America is to get married and have his wife file for him.

You realised that you were wasting your time with him, so you started to date other guys in Jamaica. In the meantime, your boss, who is much older than you, had his eyes on you and he offered himself to you, and you are not a fool. He saw you as a good pick and you saw him as someone with whom you can be very happy, and someone with whom you would not struggle because he has already done well in life.

As to whether you are bad, I would not describe you as such. This guy who engaged you is talking lik a fool. You waited on him and then he messed up himself, and you turned away from him. I hope that you would be happy with this older man. You are fortunate to have the love of his children. You should discuss with your doctor whether you should try having a child at your age.

You should send the engagement ring to the man in America. There is no need for you to keep that ring.

Pastor