My wife wants another baby

Dear Pastor,

My wife and I have been married for almost 18 years. We have three beautiful daughters; 15-years-old twins and our baby, who just turned six recently. My wife had a miscarriage with her first pregnancy a year before we got married. Then two years later, God blessed us with the twins. After we had twins, we decided that we were done having children.

However, in 2015 my best friend and his wife had a baby boy. We were good parents to him. We loved him very much and we spoiled him as much as we do our own children. Sometime later, I convinced my wife to have another child which she agreed, although reluctantly, and we ended up with another girl even though I really wanted a son, because we love our god son so much.

My wife is now 45 years old and she wants to have another child. Even though we can afford it, I am deadset against the idea for two reasons; firstly, her age, and secondly, the fact that she had a miscarriage before.

I had done some reading and I found out that women over 40 years old can have serious complications and risks during pregnancy. Whenever we talk about it, it causes arguments and my wife calls me selfish and keeps reminding me that our youngest baby was my idea, and that she was almost 40 when we had her.

Pastor, I love my wife and my children dearly and I couldn't imagine my life without her because she is such a wonderful person and I really want to make her happy. But I don't want to risk her life or our unborn child to do it. I want your honest advice.

M.

Dear M.,

First of all, you have much to give God thanks for. Your wife and yourself are happy and you get along very well. And from what you have written, you are also financially blessed. You have a right to be concerned about getting your wife pregnant again. It is well known that when women are over 40, they are considered high-risk if they become pregnant. But I would suggest that you discuss this matter with your family doctor.

Please, remember that children are not toys. Sometimes parents behave as if they are. As the children are growing up, they demand lots of attention. They can bring on much stress. I know you love your children and you love children in general, but children will not always be around. They will grow up and leave you.

Your wife should appreciate that you are concerned about her health. So, I repeat, discuss this matter with your family doctor.

I have observed that you have written this letter to me from far away. I am glad that you read the column, although you are living very far from Jamaica. Please let me know what is the final decision between your wife and yourself. I would appreciate hearing from you again.

Pastor