Stepson is lusting after me

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 and I am married to a man who is 50. When I met him, he told me that he had a son, but his son was living with his mother.

Now he is almost 16. My husband and I have been married for six years. About a year ago, he told me that his son's mother is not treating him well and his son wants to come and live with us. We live in a two-bedroom apartment, so I told my husband that he could stay in the other room.

We took the boy in and everything was going well. He was not very tidy, but I told him what I expected of him and that he should clean his room and so on. I told his father that he can call me auntie because I didn't expect him to call me mom. He did not know little things like how to use a knife and fork, so we had to teach him. He didn't have any table manners at all but we got along.

JUST CURIOUS

But, Pastor, I caught the young man peeping at me and I was so shocked. I was in my bedroom and the door was not tightly closed and he peeped. I blamed myself because I should have been more careful, but I did not expect him to do that. I only had my panty on. When I got dressed, I asked him why he was peeping and he said nothing. I told his father and he said that a boy his age is just curious and I should remember that he is around, so I should always be properly dressed. I agreed. But, another day we were there alone and I came out of the room in my short nightgown. I passed him in the living room and went into the kitchen and the boy wouldn't take his eyes off me.

I told his father that I am uncomfortable with having him around. I don't feel free in the house anymore. My husband again blamed me for not being careful. He is a child, Pastor, so why should I not be free in my house? I don't know what to do. I don't want him here, but my husband says he cannot afford to board him out. I don't know how to handle the situation.

P.T.

Dear P.T.,

I could understand why you and your husband took in this young man. You have tried to play the role of a good mother.

But, you and your husband should have known that it would be very difficult to deal with a young man at his age. Certain habits were already formed in him.

This young man is at the age where he admires women. Certain changes have already taken place in his body. He is stimulated at the very sight of good-looking women. You attract him. I am not saying that he ought not to learn to control himself. He ought to see you as his father's wife and nothing more. But he admires you.

He does not see you as a mother. If he sees you half-dressed, his thoughts go wild. It would be better for this young man to live elsewhere. His father should listen to you and find another place for him to live.

Of course, you admitted that you have been a little careless. The mistake you are making is that you are seeing him as a little boy. He is not. Two years from now he will be considered an adult. Right now, if he touches you, his father may kill him. But he won't kill him for having a look at you.

I can tell you that even if you were to be fully covered, which may not be practical, this guy seems to be lusting after you. He should not be living there. Perhaps he should go back to live with his mother. This young man is facing what all men face and that is an attraction to the opposite sex. There is a desire for sex in his mind and body. There are erotic thoughts on his mind. Although you might not be aware of it, he might be having wet dreams.

His father should find another place for him to live or send him back to his mother. Try to meet with him two or three times per week and give him guidance.

Pastor