Mouth getting me into problems with my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am from western Jamaica. I am 22 and I live with my boyfriend who is 21. My family did not treat me well while I was in high school.

I was to do seven CXC subjects but they did not pay for any and when I went to sit English and mathematics which were free, I was told I could not do it because my school fee was not paid. When I wanted to go back to school, my parents told me to go and find a man.

NEVER PAID ME

I ended up moving in with a guy and when things didn't work out, I moved in with my aunt and her husband. They told me that their grandchildren were coming to visit from Canada and I had to stay home with them. My aunt and her husband said I would get $7,000 per month. I was getting only $2,000. They said they were going to help me with school, so I applied and started school but they did not give me a cent. They left Jamaica, leaving me and their daughter at the house. Whenever she used anything in the kitchen, she left it and I had to clean up behind her. She would drop her dirty clothes in her room and I had to clean up.

The three of them wanted to decide everything for me like I am a child. I couldn't go out, I couldn't talk on my phone after 9 p.m. With only $200 to my name, one day I called a taxi and left. I went to live with my classmate and I started working. But she was mean to me, too.

I met my boyfriend on a dating app and three months after we started talking, he asked me to move in. Our relationship is not perfect and I am very disrespectful to him. He hit me once when I told him some nasty words pertaining to his mother. He never disrespect me and when I am upset and curse him, he doesn't answer me.

I have trust issues, so I accuse him a lot. I don't have any proof that he cheats on me. He lives with his father and added a room for himself. But his stepmother doesn't like me and she and his father treat him badly because he doesn't have a lot of money to give them. They are always up in our business and telling him to get me pregnant.

I am still in school and he is paying for it. He said I should take my mind off getting a baby and just focus on school. He is the only one working and he has many bills. He always ensures that I have food and is attending school. But he never takes me out. The relationship is almost two and a half years old. He said that things will be better and he wants us to have a great future. He always tries to give me everything that I want. But I always disrespect him based on the way his family treats me. I hate his family.

He wants to get married and he wants us to start going to church. Whenever I disrespect him, he asks me if he wants us to go to counselling because he doesn't want to lose me.

Do you think this is the right person for me?

R.

Dear R.,

You should learn to be respectful to your boyfriend. Such a dirty remark about what a man should do to his mother should not have come out of your mouth.

You are fortunate that this young man has not yet ended the relationship. Evidently, he loves you and he has done his best to help you financially. But, you are out of order.

Your aunt considers that she has only rescued you, but they have not kept their word in assisting you. You need to try your best to get a job and you and your boyfriend need counselling. Learn to have respect for each other. You are not yet ready to be married. You have too many issues to deal with and I am not sure that you are in love with him. A family counsellor would help both of you to learn to communicate and to tell you where you are going wrong. But I can tell you now that if you continue to abuse this young man, he will walk away from you. Please learn that men do not like women telling them anything negative about their mothers.

I hope you will be able to find a job and learn to respect your boyfriend and yourself.

Pastor