Caught my wife in bed with ‘Joe’ - Now I have found a good woman and can’t get to marry her

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I need your professional advice. I was born in Jamaica but I have been living in the United Kingdom for many years. I got married to a Caucasian girl and the marriage was going well. We have two lovely children.

This woman would never settle down with me. She always had other men, but she never admitted it. I tried to live with it until I could not go anymore. I set up a trap and caught her in bed with another guy. I could have beat the hell out of both of them, but I didn't. That night she thought I was at work, but I left for work and came back early because I was informed what time the guy gets to my house. My two children were asleep, so they were not even aware that another man had entered the house.

The man was so brazen, he parked his car close to my house. Neither he nor my wife heard when I entered the house that night. I supposed they couldn't hear as the excitement of what they were doing got to their heads. I have heard of men killing women. I almost killed my wife that night. Neither of them had on any clothes at all.

I convinced myself that night that I am really a Christian after she got down on her knees and begged me not to hurt her and to try to let the man go. I felt like beating the hell out of her. I have never raised my hand at her. But when I was quarrelling and asked her why she was doing that to me, the children woke up and I asked them if they knew the man and they said they had seen him around. It has taken me a long time to get over what I saw. It is not easy to witness another man having sex with your woman.

NEVER LEAVE ME

We separated but she told me that she would never leave me and I should learn to forgive her. I was never able to sleep in that room anymore. I told her to take the bed when we were separating. I could not make love to her on that bed.

Pastor, I divorced her and I have another woman in my life. I got baptised. I really love this woman. She was married before, but her husband died. I am attending a pentecostal church and the pastor does not believe in divorce and remarriage. I don't know what to do, can you give me your advice?

A.M.

Dear A.M.,

I am very glad to hear that you were able to control yourself after catching your wife having sex with another man. She was a mighty brave woman to bring another man into the matrimonial home and having sex on the matrimonial bed. She lost her senses. You were strong enough to walk away from trouble.

I remember some years ago, a certain man told a story to me on my show (Dear Pastor). He was a working man, but on that day he decided to take a break and gave his woman a surprise visit. She was not expecting him. The doors of the house were opened. He walked in and saw his woman in the very act. He told me that when he got to the house, he saw a vehicle, but thought nothing of it. He trusted his woman so much that it was hard to believe that he saw his woman with another man. He got the shock of his life, he ran out, got into his vehicle and drove away.

When I asked him where he went, he said he didn't know where he was going, he just drove and drove and drove. He could have got himself into trouble if he had not driven away. The hurtful thing about his situation is that he was building a house on the woman's property because they were planning to get married. What a wicked woman!

So many brothers have been disappointed by women. The truth is that men aren't the only ones who cheat, there are some women who are good at it and they always beg for forgiveness and swear that it wouldn't happen again. One day I was shocked when a 'godly' woman told me that 'man should get bun'.

Brother, you divorce this woman and now you are in the church, and you have found another woman. You know that you are in love with her. Your pastor told you that he doesn't believe in divorce and remarriage, but it is a decision you must make. You need the comfort of a woman. So, I say to you, find a marriage counsellor and let your fiancee and yourself go for a series of premarital counselling and get married.

Keep in touch with me. I wish you well.

Pastor