My girlfriend keeps ignoring me

Dear Pastor,

I am a man in my early 30s and I have a girlfriend. She comes from a respectable family. It took me a long time to talk to her because I thought I was not good enough for her.

Then we really got into each other and I found out that she was very controlling and she wanted to know everything about my whereabouts. When I am reluctant to tell her how I spent every hour of my day when I am not at work, she accuses me of having another woman. When I want to see her, she starts giving me the cold shoulder as if she is punishing me.

Sometimes I text her and she does not reply. One day I waited all day for a reply from her and I texted her again and told her that whatever she had in mind, she should tell me because I need company and I am tempted to talk to somebody else. She called me back and told me to do whatever I wanted to do. I love this girl so much. It has taken us a long time to be together, but I don't know why she is so possessive.

COLD SHOULDER

We attend the same church but even in church she gives me the cold shoulder. I have to wait on her to talk to everybody she feels like before she comes to me. Do you think that that is the right thing for her to do?

My mother said that this girl is going to try to rule me and as a man, I should not allow any woman to rule me. She has a good job and a good education. Because of that, she uses it against me, I suppose. Her father is prominent in the church. Everybody loves him and looks up to him. He and I get along well. But, Pastor, I can't take the way this girl behaves. Even when she sees me at church, she does not greet me lovingly.

What should I do? Sometimes I think I should move on. My mother says she is showing off on me. I have invited her to our home but she has never come. My mother says she has not because she considers us to be too poor.

R.E.

Dear R.E,

Your mother is not going to be right on every occasion, but she is surely not a fool. She can see further than you. She is not meddling in your business but she knows that if your girlfriend is constantly giving you the cold shoulder, it means that she feels that she is superior to you and you have to always be begging her to have pity on you. She is not behaving as if both of you are compatible. If two people are not compatible, the relationship will not go anywhere.

So it might be time for you to tell this young woman that if she does not want the relationship, she ought to tell you in plain words. She is giving the impression that she can do without you. You cannot behave as if you are a puppy, always licking at her feet and seeking her attention. You should know if she has seen someone else and she would love for that person and herself to have a relationship.

I know there are times when a spouse may feel hurt because of what the other has done and the one who is hurt gives the cold shoulder. But that is temporary. What you are saying is that this woman is constantly ignoring you by giving the cold shoulder. I am saying to you now, young man, you should lay your cards on the table and tell her that you will not stand for that because you love her. But the way she is behaving, she is not showing you that she loves you, and if she doesn't love you, both of you should break up.

Pastor