Babyfather wants a son before we get married

Dear Pastor,

When should I ask my boyfriend about marrying me? This guy and I have been together for three years, but we have never discussed marriage. I am now 25 and he is 27.

When I met him, I thought that he would offer to marry me, because I thought that is what young men do. Every time we made love, he was praying and hoping that I would get pregnant. I finally got pregnant and gave birth to a girl. He said that he was glad for his daughter, but he wanted a boy. Our daughter is now two and a half years old and he spends plenty of time with her.

Sometimes when I want to go out, I don't have to worry about the baby. He does everything. He said his grandmother took care of him from the time he was a baby, six months old, and his mother left him and went abroad. He never saw his mother again until he was 15. When he saw her, she was like a total stranger to him. Nobody is more important than his grandma.

A CHILD TO THINK ABOUT

I do not want to have any more children before I get married, but all he is talking about is having a boy. Before COVID, his mother told him that she would like him to come and spend some time with her and to get to know his siblings. He told her he would think about it, but then he said he would not travel without me and he did not know his mother's husband. She wants to apply for him to live in America. His grandma told him that he must always remember that his mother abandoned him when he was a baby and she (grandma) needed all the help. Also, he must remember that he has his child to think about, and he has me.

Both of us are working. We can get visas whenever we are ready. We have never applied. I know what she is trying to do. She is hoping that he will leave and go to America, fool around with another girl and get a green card. I have never been unfaithful to this guy. I don't know what it is to have sex with another man since we have been together. But I want us to get married and live a clean life. He jokes about everything, but when it comes to getting pregnant again, it is not a joke to me. No more children until we are married. Am I wrong in holding on to this position?

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

This man and you seem to be getting along very well, and he is a good father. There are some men who always want sons but they have never succeeded. I know a man who kept saying that he wanted to have a son with his dear wife, but he ended up having about five daughters. I also have a good friend who was hoping to have a son, but the good Lord blessed him with three lovely daughters. So, in the will of the Lord, he might get three great sons-in-law and his daughters would take good care of him.

You have a right to take a position, and your position is, no more children until this man and you get married. You know it is time for him to do something about that, but I want to tell you that sometimes a woman has to push a man a little. A man can be just satisfied the way he is living with a woman and happy to know that they love each other. Don't allow him to be complacent. Tell him that it is time for both of you to make that lasting commitment in marriage. I know he will. I believe he will very soon.

Pastor