I am getting married and my boyfriend doesn’t know

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I have one daughter. I am not married, but I am living with my stepfather and my mother. My child's father doesn't want to visit me because he says my stepfather is too aggressive. I know that my stepfather was trying to have a relationship with me from I was about 17 years old. It never happened, because I told my mother about it and she warned him. She told him that she would report him to the police. My mother meant it. My stepfather said that it was a lie, but I knew that he wasn't looking at me in a good way.

One day, he told me that from the time I was a baby he was feeding me, so nothing is wrong if he can get something from me. When I told my mother what he said, he threatened to beat me. He said I was lying on him.

My child's father and I became closer because I told him that my stepfather wanted to go to bed with me. My stepfather caused me to get pregnant early, because I was seeking this guy's protection. When I got pregnant, my stepfather cursed my mother and told her that her princess has got pregnant and my mother replied, "At least she did not get pregnant by you."

My child's father is in entertainment. For over a year he was not working because of the pandemic. I got myself mixed up with another guy. He came into the island to do some business and we met, and became lovers. My boyfriend doesn't know anything about it, but this man wants to come back to Jamaica to marry me. I am thinking about it because life has become very hard. He does not have children and he was not born in Jamaica.

I did not tell my mother that I had sex with him, but I told her that he likes me. She told me to give the relationship a try. I would like my child to grow up in a stable home. My mother will provide that for my son. I do not know how my child's father will take it.

This guy and I plan to have a small ceremony. My mother says that she would not even come to the wedding, because she doesn't want to give my child's father any clue about my getting married.

I love my child's father, but he has nothing to give to me these days. Sometimes I ask myself whether I truly love him, or is it the money that he can give me that I love? Right now, it is the money; but please, try and understand my situation.

L

Dear L.,

I hope you will never get married unless you truly love the person. Right now you are not sure that you love the man. So you are not yet ready to get married. You are going to destroy your young life by marrying someone because he can give you money. I know your situation is tough. You have to support your son and, evidently, you are not working, so the struggle is on.

Whatever your stepfather tried to do, he did not succeed. But you have succeeded in fooling your child's father that you are loyal to him, which is not true at all.

Pastor