Family doesn’t like my ex-con boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and I have a daughter. I am living at home with my parents. My father works, but my mom stays home.

We live in a four-bedroom house. One area is self-contained, so my father allows me to stay there. Now that I am working, all he requires of me is to help pay the utility bills. I save most of my money. We still cook one pot, so when I come home, I eat what is prepared. When I go to supermarket, I buy for everybody, but I don't have to. I have an older sister who is married, but has no children. She is always buying stuff for my daughter. My daughter's father hardly supports her.

My big problem, however, is that I have fallen in love with another man, but nobody in my family likes him. Some years ago, he was arrested for committing a crime. My folks knew about it, but that was before he and I were dating. He was convicted and sentenced to prison. It was after he served his time that we became friends. My child's father is the second man I ever had. My first boyfriend did not treat me well. He hit me a few times so I left him. My current boyfriend is the best man I have ever had. But my relatives, especially my sister, told me that I should leave this 'jail bud'. I really don't know what to do. This man treats me like a queen. But he is aware that he is not loved by my family. I don't know if he will change, but right now he is the only man I love. My love for him is real, but I don't want to go against what my people are saying.

My mother said a thief is always a thief. Whenever he gets his pay he shows me the amount. He has really been trying to live a good life, and he wants us to get married. Whenever he visits me, even if we have a disagreement, he does not raise his voice. My parents have never heard us quarrelling. Once we had an argument and I told him that I would leave him and he burst into tears and said telling him that is like telling him to kill himself.

I would like you to help me make the right decision. I don't want to make a mistake. He doesn't keep company. I know I could get other men, but this is the man I love.

G.K.

Dear G.K.,

I do not doubt that you love this man. You met him after he did time and you believe that he has changed; perhaps he has. He was punished, but has kept out of trouble.

I knew a man who committed murder and spent years in prison. After he was released, he found a good woman and they started to live together. That woman told me that he was the best man she ever had. When she told me that he went to prison, I was surprised. He came out of prison a better man than he went in.

I have only mentioned this case because nothing is beyond the grace of God. He can change the most vile sinner. On the other hand, I know that there are some real 'prison bud'. They never learn and are in and out of prison. Some even brag when they are warned to be careful. They say that they have been to prison and they can go back.

I can understand why your folks are warning you about this man. They want the best for you. On the other hand, you love this man. As you say he is the best man you have ever had. You have a deadbeat babyfather and you had an abuser in your life. This guy is everything good to you. I am sure you have tried to explain that to your relatives. Time will tell if he is pretending that he has changed. So ask him to have a conference with your family and you. Tell him to explain why he committed the offence and what is the way forward for him and you.

The decision as to whether you should marry him is solely yours. But if you do agree to marry him, do so after you have gone through premarital counselling and perhaps a prenuptial agreement. I wish you the very best. Do let me hear from you again.

Pastor