Parents don’t know my babyfather is married

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I am from the country. My father is a hard-working farmer. My mother stayed home and did some dressmaking. I came to Kingston and stayed with my aunt.

She had promised to send me back to school. But she just used me as her helper and I had to spend long hours in her shop. One day an elderly gentleman started to question me and I told him where I was from. That night I told my aunt about him and she became very upset. She told me that I should not have told him so many things about myself. One day the man came back and brought me flowers. Nobody had ever done that.

My aunt asked me where I got the flowers from and I told her. She asked, "You know what that mean?" And I said no. She said that meant that he loved me and she would send me back to the country. She said she was going to give me one more week and then I would have to go home or find somewhere else to live because I chat too much. I told this man what my aunt said and I told him that I did not want to go back home. He said I could stay with him because his wife and two children are living in America. I moved in with him. This man called his wife and told her that he employed a helper. This man and I became lovers. He started out by giving me $9,500 per week just to take care of myself. My aunt only gave me $5,000. Whenever my boyfriend called me, I had to turn up the phone so this man could hear what we were talking about. I was able to send money to my boyfriend and my mother.

I got myself into trouble because I got pregnant for this man. He said I should give the baby to my boyfriend but I couldn't because we were not having sex. This man told me that I would have to go home. He took me home and explained to my parents that he got me pregnant and would take responsibility. He did not tell my parents that he was married. Now I have a son and this man is taking care of me. I don't know what to say because this man is planning to join his wife in America.

My boyfriend thinks that I met a younger man and that's how I got pregnant. He is a bike messenger. I cannot see myself marrying a messenger. My child's father has offered to send me back to school. I would like to go to school in Kingston.

L.H.

Dear L.H.,

One can blame your aunt for not being more helpful to you. But you were old enough to make your decisions. When this man started to come around to the shop and showed interest in you, your aunt decided that she would not allow you to become friendly with him because she knew that his intention was to have you as his sidechick. She told you that you would have to leave, but there is where she went wrong. She should have showed you the danger in becoming intimate with this man.

This man was happy to take you in because he had fallen in love with you and you were naive. I do not doubt that you love him. He has treated you well and made you feel wanted. You fill the space of his missing wife. He should've known that having unprotected sex with you would likely cause you to get pregnant. I wonder what this man told his wife as to why you are not living at the house anymore. He did not tell your parents that he is married but he admitted that he got you pregnant and he has been supporting his child.

You need to find a job and go to evening classes. I can see that you love Kingston, however, if you are able to find a school close to you, consider attending it. The time may come when you will have to tell your parents the truth. Be careful. They may be looking forward to this man marrying you and it is hardly likely that he will divorce his wife. By the way, you do not love the other young man any more but please, don't look down on the work he does. He is working for an honest bread.

Pastor