Wife doesn’t like my other children

August 05, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am a family man. I have two children with my wife and I had two before I got married. I try to divide my time between my family and the two 'outside' children.

My wife is always fussing that I am not spending enough time with our children. Every Saturday, I take stuff for my other children. Their mother is married, but her husband does not prevent me from coming to the house and from taking them out for a couple of hours. My wife said that I should not go there at all and she accused me that I go there because I want to see the children's mother. Most times when I go there, her husband is there so we are never alone. I told her that sometimes I would like the children to come and spend a day with us. My wife does not want the children to be around her children, yet she claims to be a Christian. The children have not done her anything.

I don't go to church. She has invited me to her church, but I refuse to go because of her behaviour. She hasn't accused me of having another woman, but she still thinks that my other babymother loves me. This woman wanted some financial help and she asked me if I could assist. She wanted to buy a washing machine and needed $20,000. I made the big mistake of telling my wife. She told me that I should not give her the money. But when I thought of it, my children would benefit from the machine. So I gave her the money. A few days later, my wife asked me if I had given her the money and I said yes and she was upset. I was so angry that I walked out of the house and went to a club. At present, my first babymother is not working so she needs help. From the time I met my wife, I stopped having sex with this woman. But I have always supported my children. I know one thing for sure, pastor. A man should not tell his wife everything that he is doing especially if he has outside children. I used to tell my wife what I was giving my other babymother and she told me that one day this woman would be getting more than her.

I asked my babymother if her husband had ever questioned her about me and she said no. She said there was no reason for him to question her because he knew that nothing was happening between us. I wish my wife would learn to trust me and to accept these children as a part of me. How can I get her to love these children and not to feel that I should not visit them?


Dear V.D.,

I suggest that you continue to visit your children as often as possible. What you may do is to suggest that your wife accompany you sometimes. Your wife is not just jealous, she is silly.

She should also welcome the children to her home so that all the children will bond together. But if the children cannot come to her house, I suggest that you take all of them out to places like Devon house, Hope Gardens or Port Royal.

You are a father and you should not allow your wife to control you when it comes to your children. Take good care of all the children. I know it has taken you a long time to realise that you can't say everything to a jealous woman. So when it comes to these children and giving their mother extra help, keep your mouth shut.

I am glad that you were able to assist the mother to buy a washing machine. Yes, the children's clothes should be washed and a washing machine would be of great help. I am happy that you were able to assist her. Don't let your wife's foolish behaviour prevent you from going to church. If you don't want to go to her church, find another one. I wish you well.


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