Girlfriend keeps comparing me to her ex-boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 35 years old and I have a girlfriend who is 25. I truly love her. We have moved in together. She has a good job and I have a decent job, but she earns more money than I do.

Before we moved in together, she was sharing a space with her sister. Now her sister is alone and bearing all her bills. She thought that she could live alone but it is difficult for her. She is asking my girlfriend and I to take her in and she would assist us in paying the utilities and the rent.

We do not need help to pay these things because we are earning enough and I get travelling allowances from my job. My girlfriend is sympathising with her sister and wants us to seriously consider having her come to live with us. I am still standing firm in saying no. We are yet to make a final decision.

Another problem I am having with my girlfriend is that since we have been living together, she is always comparing me to her ex-boyfriend. Even when we are doing our bedroom works, she compares me with him. I told her that she should stop doing so but she continues in that fashion. She said I ejaculate too soon and my private part is too small. I told her that if she does not stop comparing me with her ex-boyfriend, I am going to leave her. Do you think I am wrong in threatening to leave her? And do you think I should agree for her sister to come and live with us?

Apart from these two areas, my girlfriend and I get along well. When I don't have any money, she does not hesitate to assist me. How long her sister will stay with us, she does not know. How can I get my girlfriend to stop comparing me with her ex-boyfriend? Please tell me what to do.

O.L.

Dear O.L.,

Your girlfriend will take a while before she gets over her former boyfriend. Evidently, he was a good lover and he was gifted. But she ought to know that all men are not the same.

I believe that you are trying your best, but perhaps it has come to the stage where you and your girlfriend should seek the help of a family counsellor.

Concerning her sister who wants to come and live with you, I would not recommend that you consent in doing that. It would be better for your girlfriend's sister to find someone who is not related to her and share the space. If your girlfriend continues to insist that her sister should come and live with you, you should tell her that the relationship is over, and you know that nothing is wrong with you. Your girlfriend just wants more of 'the stuff'. So insist that both of you see a family counsellor.

Pastor