Husband threatening to fight my ex

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 years old and I am married. I have two children with my husband. I am suffering from stress. Some of my friends told me that the best way to deal with stress is to have sex.

An older woman told me that when she has sex, her stressful feelings disappear. I tried to have sex and the stressful feelings went away temporarily. By the following day, my husband brought up stupid arguments and I felt that I should just walk away from him.

My husband works with the same company as my ex-boyfriend, and my ex is his supervisor. Whenever he tells me something about my ex, he always says that this man does not like him and if he continues to harass him on the job, something is going to happen between them. I told him that I wouldn't want them to get into any fights, so he should probably look for another job. He told me that I was taking up for the man.

Recently, whenever he raises this matter, I do not say anything. The relationship between me and that man ended years ago. I don't even talk to the man unless it is absolutely necessary.

Stress is killing me. My husband is 33 and he is not acting right. The only time he is very nice to me is when we are making love, but I try to say nice things to him all the time. Please try and tell me how to deal with the way I feel. Stress is killing me.

M.W.

Dear M.W..,

You say that some of your friends told you that one of the best ways to deal with stress is sex. I don't know about it being the best method, but I have to admit that as a counsellor, I know sex releases stress.

But as you know from experience, it is only for a short period of time, and the real cause of the stress has to be dealt with. Your husband and you have not dealt with that. Therefore, what I am about to say to you might surprise you and others. If you and your husband love each other, you should put this strong desire to leave him behind you. Your relationship is not perfect; no relationship is. A gentleman once told me that he and his wife have been married for over 25 years and they never had an argument. When he said that I told myself, "How sad." He was so proud that they never had an argument. To me, to be married for such a long time and never have an argument must be very boring.

People should be able to disagree but still maintain respect for each other. So here is what I want to say to you. If your husband continues to harass you and says unkind things, I would suggest that you tell him that you want to take a break from him. That would shock him. Tell him you are tired of his childish behaviour, so you want to separate from each other for about six months. During that time, the conversations should be about the children. It is likely that he will say, "Yes, I know is a man you want to go with." So expect that. During the separation, go to a professional counsellor. What I am trying to say is, fight to keep your marriage together.

If this man loves you and you love him, by the end of the six months, both of you will be eager to get back together and you will not suffer from stress any more.

Pastor