I was raped by my brothers

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I have a decent job. I have two brothers. All three of us did something when I was 16 years old, and to this day I look back at it with regret.

My brothers and I are very close. We are not common in our community and the people respect us. I did well in school and so did my brothers.

My parents have decent jobs. One day we all decided to drink. I had just turned 16, and I told my parents that I did not want to have any party. Anyway, we were home one night as our parents had gone out. One of my brothers suggested that we can buy some alcoholic wine and have a party among ourselves; just the three of us. The two of them went out and I dressed up as if I was attending my sweet 16 party. When they came back, they brought a little cake and all three of us cut the cake, put on some music and had wine. We toasted each other.

I know for sure that I had too much to drink because my head started to spin. I knew when one of my brothers started to fondle me and each of them took turn to fondle me. I also knew when one of them penetrated me. I remember when one of my brothers asked the other if he is going to do it, and he said yes. He had sex with me, but not for long. My other brother did the same thing, but he took longer. Both of them told me how much they love me and how much I meant to them.

We pledged the following morning that we will never talk about it and we will never let our parents know what we did. Every time I remember about it I say to myself, 'what a worthless girl I am'.

One of the reasons why I did not report my brothers was because of the love I have for them, and we made a pledge that we would not say anything to anybody about it. Another reason was that it was not the first time I was having sex. I had sex once before with one of my schoolmates, so I was not a virgin. Since then I have never wanted to be alone with my brothers. One of them told me that he still loves me and I told him that I hate him. The truth is that I don't hate him, I hate what he did to me.

I wouldn't want any daughter of mine to go through what I went through. My brothers would give me anything I ask them for, and both of them are very jealous of me. I know I cannot say this to any man who wants to marry me. But, sometimes when I think of what happened, I feel dirty. Please, don't think I am a bad girl, I just had this experience that I have not been able to shake off, so kindly give me your advice.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

Your letter makes me very sad. I know teenagers can do some things that they regret as they grow older. However, when it comes to your brothers and you, they should have protected you. Drinking alcohol was like having fun with their sister, but no sex should have come into the play at all. You were feeling high, but you were not unconscious and you heard when one of them asked if he is going to penetrate you and he said yes. He should have protested, but he allowed it, and not only did he allow it, he too also had sex with you. No protection was used; therefore you are fortunate that they didn't get you pregnant.

Some people might say that you should just forget it because you consented. You were not stone drunk, but you were high. I am glad that you are in a good profession and that your brothers also are professionals. They may pretend that what they did has not affected them, but I am sure looking back, they feel guilty and ashamed of themselves.

I believe that you need therapy, but you don't want anybody else to know about what happened. If you would like me to refer you to see a psychologist, please call me or send me a text and let me know.

May the Good Lord help you. You don't have to hate your brothers, but you are certainly correct in not wanting to be with them whenever you are alone.

Pastor