15-y-o has sex on her mind

Dear Pastor,

I am in my late 30s. I am living with a man, and my daughter is also living with us. My daughter is only 15 years old but she is mature for her age, and sometimes when she asks me questions, I don't answer her immediately. But she constantly reminds me about what she asked. I have told her many times not to hide anything from me, and so she asks what would I consider to be 'big people' questions.

One day, my daughter was reading a book and she suddenly asked, "Mommy, at what age did you began to have sex?" I asked her why she wanted to know and she said she has been thinking about sex, and some of her friends are having sex; also, her very close friend is having sex with a male teacher, but she is older than 16. I asked her when did she start to think so much about sex. She said it is because her friends have been encouraging her to do so. I did not tell her exactly when I started to have sex, but I reminded her of her age and told her that her father got me pregnant at a particular time, so she should try to figure that one out. I also told my daughter that she should not be in a hurry to have sex, and that the age of consent in Jamaica is 16, and any guy who tries to have sex with her before that age can get into trouble. She said she was only thinking about it so I don't need to worry about her doing so.

Do you think I went far enough to explain myself?

R.S.

Dear R.S.,

When your daughter asks you questions, don't hesitate to give her straight answers.

Many girls get into sexual relationships because of peer pressure. Girls talk to each other about sex and say how nice it is, and that if their girlfriends are not having sex, that means they are missing out on something. No one should pressure a girl to have sex. Boys will tell girls that if they don't have sex, they will have headaches or they will go crazy, but these things are not true. Your daughter needs to understand that as she grows up, the temptation to have sex will be real. But she does not have to have sex until she is truly ready, and she should not allow anyone to pressure her into having sex.

Tell your daughter that she will not die if she does not have sex. Some young women have told themselves that they will not have sex until they are married. Some have been able to keep that vow. Some have not been able to do so, but if your daughter has failed to remain chaste, don't condemn her. Remember what you went through when you were in her age group.

Please buy good books for your daughter to read. She is at the age where she will want to explore. You may even want to buy books and both of you can read them and discuss them. I wish you well. Continue to be a good mother, and as I said earlier, give straight answers to your daughter when she asks these questions.

Pastor