Did not know my baby father was married

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and I have a one-year-old son. I got involved with his father not knowing that he was married.

When we met, he told me he was single and looking for a wife. I told him I could not be his wife because I was still in school. Anyway, I liked him, so we started to date. He was very kind. He showered gifts on me. He was always travelling to America. But I didn't know that he was really going to his wife, who lives there.

I told my mother about this man and she warned me to be careful. She told me to make sure that I did not get pregnant by him. We used to have sex very often. Nothing was too expensive for him to buy for me. I introduced him to my best friend, and it was from there I realised that he was no good. After introducing him, about a month later she said that he 'put question' to her. I asked her what she meant by that, because I did not believe her. She told me that he told her not to let me know. But from the time he saw her, he fell in love with her and wanted to take her out. She told him she couldn't do that because she and I are best friends. He asked her if she wouldn't give him 'a piece' if he gave her US$200 and she told him no. He raised it to $500 and she still did not agree. He asked her how I would know if they had sex and she told him that her conscience would bother her.

She was shocked when he brought Victoria's Secret underwear for her one day. That was on Valentine's Day. He told her that he bought some for me, too. She took them and showed them to me. One day while he was with her, his phone rang and she looked at it and saw the word 'wife', so she became suspicious. He was seeing me while trying to get my best friend. By that time I got pregnant for him. The condom that he used burst and we were not aware. After hearing that from my best friend, I tried to use my head on him. I told him that somebody told me that he is married and he said that was not true. I investigated it.

I spoke to the taxi driver who moves him around and I asked him if he is married and he told me yes, because his wife was in Jamaica a few days ago. I was still living at home. My parents, especially my father, were very upset with me and he is the elder of his church. So, my father cried and hugged me and told me that because of his church, I would have to go somewhere else to live. One of my aunts had a spare room, so she took me in. It was after I was in trouble that this man admitted that he is married. He told me I should get rid of the pregnancy, but I told him I was not going to do an abortion because that is murder. He said he did not want his wife to know about it. He has been supporting his child, but I have stopped having sex with him.

My best friend doesn't talk to him any more. He told me that I could not register the child in his name because his wife may find out, and he is a well-known official in Jamaica. When the child grows up, what am I going to tell him about his father? Please tell me what to do.

U.S.

Dear U.S.,

This young man deceived you. He is not a good man. But I congratulate your best friend for not becoming sexually involved with him.

She respects herself and respects you, so she could not have got involved with him. He thought that he could have bribed her by offering her US dollars. It is unfortunate that you became pregnant. I can imagine the embarrassment that your parents, especially your father who is the elder of a church, felt. You ought not to try to shield this man. He lied to you, so whether or not his wife becomes aware that you have a child by him, that is a matter that he should deal with alone. Let him deal with that matter with his wife, and if you are ever asked whether he is the father of the child, you should speak the truth.

As your child grows up, he should be made aware of who his father is.

Pastor