Church sister may be giving me a ‘jacket’

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 and a backslider. I got a church sister pregnant and the church said that I should marry her, but I told my pastor I was not ready to be married.

He called me a fornicator and decided to put me and the young lady out of the church. I told him that after the child was born, I would do a DNA test to see if the child is really mine, and then I may consider getting married to the mother. He asked me why I would want to go through all that trouble. I told him that this young woman had sex with another church brother, who told me about it, so I am not sure if the child that she is carrying is really mine.

The pastor sent for the young lady, but she has refused to see him. One Sunday, the pastor read both of us out of the church. I did not think that was the right thing to do. But the girl is upset because I told the pastor that she had sex with another brother in the church; she said the brother was lying. I don't believe that he lied on her, because when I went to her I thought she was a virgin. She gave me the impression that she was a virgin, but I found out that she was not. After I discovered that she was not a virgin, I did not ask her why she gave me that impression.

Since I joined the church, she was the only girl I had sex with; but before I became a member, I had other girlfriends. I didn't have to give them any money, but when I had sex with this girl, she asked me if I wasn't going to give her any money. She said she was broke. I gave her $5,000 and told her I did not know that I had to pay her for sex. She said I was not paying her; I was only giving her a gift. I could have had sex elsewhere and only paid $1,000 for it.

Do you think I was wrong in telling the pastor that I have to do a DNA test to ensure that the child is mine? The mother of this girl told me that I have embarrassed her daughter, and she is sure that the child she is carrying belongs to me.

C.L.

Dear C.L.,

Some of you men are not good. You cannot keep anything that is said to you in confidence.

You said that one of the church brothers told you that he was intimate with this young woman, who is now pregnant. That brother has given you the impression that this young woman was promiscuous and that she was throwing her stuff around with Tom, Dick and Harry, so you would be a fool to accept paternity.

I cannot say that the young lady is speaking the truth, but neither can you be sure that what the church brother told you is true. Whether he had sex with her or not, he could have kept his mouth shut. I want you to know that the pastor was not wrong when he asked you whether you would marry the young woman. He was under the impression that both of you loved each other. If you knew that you didn't love this young woman, why did you have unprotected sex with her?

You know that if you were to have unprotected sex with a woman, it is likely that you can impregnate her. You are an irresponsible man. Perhaps she agreed to have sex with you because she was broke, and that is why she asked if you were going to leave something with her. Please understand, sir, that the $5,000 is not something to write home about. If a man loves a woman, $5,000 is nothing to give to her, so you shouldn't even bother to mention that.

I hope that after she has given birth and the DNA test is done, it would show that you are the father of the child.

Pastor