I wonder if using my vibrator is a sin

Dear Pastor,

I am a 27-year-old Christian, and I am in love with a 30-year-old man. We have been dating for four months.

He asked me for sex, but I told him that I cannot have sex with him because it is too soon and I will only have sex with him if I am sure that he would marry me. I had my first sexual experience when I was 21. I was so sure that I had found the love of my life. This man was much older, but I was not aware that he was married because he told me he was single. I used to spend weekends at his house. Whenever I was there, his phone never rang, so I could not suspect that his girlfriend or any female was calling him. My phone always rang because my sister knew where I was. I had also informed my mother that I was going out for the weekend. All she would say was, "Be careful."

One evening while I was at my boyfriend's house, a young man knocked on the door. My boyfriend was in the bathroom, so I told him that a young man was at the door and he told me to find out who he was. I went to the door and asked for the person's name; the young man said "Tell him that it is his brother-in-law and I have something to give him from his wife" and he handed me a letter. I was so shocked. When he came out of the bathroom, I handed him the envelope and I said "This is from your wife". He did not say a word. He read it and then folded it. I asked "Is this a big joke or what? Are you married?" He said yes. I started to tremble and he asked me why. I said "I am trembling because you could have got me pregnant because it is not all the time we use protection." Sir, I am telling you the truth, that was on the Saturday night and I slept with him, and the Sunday morning, I told him to take me home. He said I should stay until in the afternoon. I told him what I gave him last night was the last because he should have told me that he is married and he knew my stance.

My present boyfriend is promising that he would marry me, but I am not sure about him and the relationship is still young. He told me that I am turning him off. But I told him to give me more time and we should arrange to see a counsellor before the relationship gets deeper. Do you think I am wrong? I am very happy in my church. I don't want anyone to look at me as trash. At my workplace, my co-workers look up to me and ask me for advice when they are having problems. I secretly use a vibrator when the temptation is so strong and I feel for sex, but nobody knows that I own it. A Christian sister confided in me that her husband is off the island and she has phone sex with him while she is using her vibrator. I never told her that I have a vibrator too.

Do you think I am committing a sin by using a vibrator? I would like to get married, but I want to be sure about this man, so please give me your advice.

Y.R.

Dear Y.R.,

Your former boyfriend deceived you. He gave you the impression that he was single and you thought that you had found a good man, but you found out later that he was nothing but a deceiver.

You were quite right in ending the relationship with him forthwith. I hope that you have not tried to punish yourself because of what has happened. Now that you have another man in your life, you are trying to be cautious. You are trying to find out as much as you can about him. You are in the dating stage of the relationship. Both of you should go and see a family counsellor as soon as possible. But even after you have seen a counsellor, do not be careless with him.

Concerning the question about whether it is a sin for you to use your vibrator - using a vibrator is like masturbating, and I am not prepared to condemn you or to answer whether it is right or wrong. Allow your conscience to be your guide. I wish you well.

Pastor