Running for her life! - ‘Missing’ woman said she fled abusive relationship

When Marissa* vanished from her home, her family and community launched a frantic search. Missing-person posters featuring her photo soon began circulating on social media.

However, few realised that her disappearance was not accidental. She had left home deliberately in a bid to escape what she called an abusive relationship.

"I wasn't lost," Marissa told THE STAR. "I was running from something that was hurting me."

At the time of her abrupt disappearance, she appeared to be living a stable life. She was employed and in a long-term relationship that gave no hint of trouble. But those appearances hid a darker reality.

"It wasn't something people saw," she said. "It happened behind closed doors."

Marissa said the abuse was physical and recurring. She said she remained in the relationship longer than she wanted to, convincing herself the violence was not "bad enough" to leave, a belief she says keeps many people trapped.

"You keep telling yourself you can handle it," she told THE STAR. "Until you realise you might not survive it."

Over several months, Marissa meticulously planned her escape. She saved money, secured copies of important documents, and waited for a moment she judged safe. When she left, she travelled lightly, relied on a trusted support network, and cut off all contact that could reveal her location. She stopped answering calls, changed her phone number, and severed ties entirely.

"That's when they said I was missing," she said.

Days later, she discovered the missing-person report through a forwarded message with her photo and name.

"I thought, if they knew what I was running from, they wouldn't be trying to send me back," she told THE STAR. She refrained from responding publicly, fearing that being found could put her at risk.

Senior Superintendent Dahlia Garrick of the police's Corporate Communications Network, explained that adults are typically reported missing after all reasonable efforts to contact them fail, and their absence falls outside normal routines. She added that domestic violence cases are handled differently.

"Sometimes a person is not missing at all, but is escaping from an abusive situation where they feel threatened," Garrick said, noting that abuse includes physical harm and other forms of control or intimidation.

In suspected domestic abuse cases, police may limit public information and involve agencies such as the Bureau of Gender Affairs and women's crisis centres to provide support for the person who has left.

Marissa is also a mother. She said her children are being cared for by members of her extended family.

"I didn't walk away from my responsibilities," she said. "I stayed longer than I should have because I thought leaving would make me a bad mother."

She maintains private, limited contact with her children without revealing her location.

"I want to be alive for them," she said. "And I couldn't do that if I stayed."

Marissa said she has decided to share her story because she believes too many people underestimate the seriousness of domestic violence.

"I'm not encouraging anyone to disappear," she said. "I'm warning people not to ignore violence or stay silent about it."

*Name has been changed to protect her identity.