I can't get rid of my big belly lover

Dear Pastor,

I am 27. I have been reading your column for a long time. I like the answers you give. I have a big problem. I have been with this man since high school. It was a secret. Only my best friend in high school knew we were together. The only reason she knew is because my boyfriend was supposed to meet me. I couldn't shake off my girlfriend because she didn't have any money to take the bus. I didn't have any money to give her. It would have looked bad so we walked together to the spot where my boyfriend was supposed to meet me.

When he saw her he was vexed and told me wanted his sex and he would have sex with her too. He was so serious. I told my girlfriend she should come out of the car, sit and watch if anybody was coming. He and I had sex in the car. My girlfriend never told anybody. She and I are still very good friends. She told me I was brave to have sex with him during the day when we had just come from school. We had on our uniforms.

I don't love him as before, but he still wants to hang on. He has become very fat and has a big belly. When I talk to him about his weight, he curses and tells me I am ungrateful. I am not ungrateful, pastor. I care for him, but I don't love him. I have another man who is interested in me, but this big- belly man is in the way. Please tell me what I can do to get rid of him.

P.S

Dear P.S.,

Regardless of what you do, this man will always consider you an ungrateful chick. You had a sexual relationship from you were in high school. I suppose whenever you met he gave you money. By the way, how can you know, for sure, your friend never mentioned to anybody that you had sex with this man in his car while she was there?

You don't want this man anymore. Sometimes people grow apart from each other. I am assuming that's what has happened in this case. You can now do without him so whether his belly is big or flat, you have found a reason to end the relationship. I suppose you have got enough out of him and find the other guy more attractive. perhaps you see a future with him.

I hope this man will not try to hurt you, but it does not make sense sticking around with someone you do not love. If you have been taking his money, as usual, stop doing so. Whatever favours he offers, turn them down. Some women try to end a relationship gradually, but it doesn't always work. Yes, you may tell him you are going to leave him but, finally, you must do it.

Concerning the other guy, let me give you a little warning. It is never wise to end a relationship and start another immediately. It seems, though, from the tone of your letter, you have already started with the new guy.

Pastor