I chased him away, now I want him back

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I have a daughter for a man, but I didn't like him. When the child was born, I told him I would give him the baby because it doesn't make any sense staying with him. I told him I disliked him and that it was a mistake getting pregnant by him.

He told me we should still continue our relationship, but I told him no. He asked his sister and his mother to take the child. He wasn't living with them, but they agreed to take the baby. I gave him the baby and he helped me to pay my rent for two months.

I met another man. When I told my babyfather that I had a boyfriend, he said that he would stop paying my rent because it was the man who was getting the 'cookie'.

He had bought me a bed. He left the bed with me. I was so glad. I had to leave my new man because he did not bathe often. I tried to get him to bathe, but he refused to, so I refused to give him sex. I told him to go.

By that time, I got a job and was trying to manage on my own. This man would not leave, so I asked my child's father to come around.

One day, he came and waited until my boyfriend came home. My babyfather told him that he and I were getting back together so he didn't want to see him around. My boyfriend left the same night. My babyfather slept with me because I was afraid that my boyfriend would come back. We got intimate. When I checked the drawers, my boyfriend had taken away all the condoms.

My babyfather promised that he would pull out but did not. He got me pregnant again. I aborted the baby. He gave me the money to do so.

He has another girlfriend now. I don't know why, but I have grown to love him. He said he can't live with me. I would love for him to come back. I am not giving up. I made a mistake when I told him that we should separate. I don't know what to do to get him back.

Pastor, please help.

K.L.

Dear K.L.,

I understand what you are saying, but I suggest you move on. Find another man. You gave up the baby because you felt that you were not in love with the father. The man with whom you were living was not hygienic.

You should have known that before you allowed him to move in with you. I suppose you were so desperate that you did not get to know this man well. No one should blame you for ending the relationship with him, but your child's father has moved on and you should leave him alone. He has a new woman. Give him the opportunity to establish a home with this new woman. Even if you have come to realise that you made a mistake, don't try to get him back. Play a fair game.

Pastor