My boyfriend gave me an STI

Dear Pastor

I have had a boyfriend since I was 17. He is in his 20s. I love him very much. We have been having sex. He is very jealous over me. One day, he called and told me he had to see me right way. I asked him what was the problem. He said he would explain when he saw me.

He sounded worried. I told him OK. I skipped school and went to see him in Half-Way Tree. I could not find him. He called and said he was in a doctor's office. I asked what was wrong, and he said I should go and see the doctor, too. I told him that I am having my period and I don't like to go to the doctor during that time.

When I saw him, he told me he doesn't know how to tell me about his problem. He said the doctor told him he had gonorrhoea. I asked him if he got it from drinking water because I had suspected he had other girlfriends. He swore to me that I was his only woman.

We argued and I was upset. I told him that the relationship was over. I told my friends what he told me and they said I should visit a doctor. He didn't have any money to give me. I was experiencing itching and wanted to urinate very often. I called him and told him, so he gave me some money. I had gonorrhoea, too. The doctor told me that I will get over it.

My boyfriend had this disease and we were having sex; sometimes without a condom. I loved this man. He was never mean to me. Even when my mother said she didn't have any money to give me, he gave me money. One of my friends told my aunt what my boyfriend did and my aunt told me to leave him. I forgave him and we got back together.

However, I had sex with one of his friends to get back at my boyfriend. felt badly after, but I will never do it again. This guy wanted me to have oral sex with him, but I refused. The doctor told me one can get infected by doing oral sex. I am in my last year of college and my boyfriend asked me to marry him.

Pastor, what do you think I should do? Should I get married to him?

C.P.

Dear C.P.

I am glad this man did not try to blame you for giving him gonorrhoea. Some men who sleep around and get infected blame their significant other.

He knew that you were a decent girl and that you were not having sex with anybody else at that time. I am glad you did. However, I am disappointed that you would punish him by going to bed with one of his friends. You should not have done so. What would you do if he were to find out now? In your anger, you made a terrible mistake. You will never forget what you did. You said you forgave him, but assumed that by having sex with one of his friends, you would have been satisfactied. You took revenge, but hurt yourself doing so.

If you are convinced that this man has stopped sleeping around and believe you have a future together, you should suggest to seeing a family counsellor. It would not just be premarital counselling.

The counselling should cover faithfulness and unfaithfulness in a relationship and the type of pitfalls that may come as a result of engaging in sexual immorality. After you have had a number of sessions, you may decide whether you wish to marry this man.

Pastor