I havent seen my wife in three years

Dear pastor

This is the second time I am writing to you. I am a 52-year-old man and I have been listening to you at nights and I read your columns often. You are doing a good Job. You are a tough man. Criticism doesn't bother you. I am married for 15 years, but I know my wife for 20. We have three children together but I have five children in all. My wife went away three years ago and to this day she has not returned. So I am involved with another woman. She has her own little business. I used to go the business place and help her, and we got in together. She is an older woman to me. She had a man but he died. Sometimes I pick up goods for her with her van and she helps me pay my bills.

JUST FRIENDS

My wife heard that I was going to this woman's house. The children told her. She asked me about it, but I told her that we were just friends. She called the woman and cursed her off and from that time the woman and I got closer. I don't always sleep at her house, but I am sleeping there more and more now, because my wife said, she is not coming back. If she is not coming back, what is going to happen? This woman told me that I am the man she wants, so I should tell her what are my intentions. I told my wife to try and get the children to live in America with her. I am willing to sign the papers to give her a divorce. I believe that she has a man over there. It is my wife who has left me and caused me to be involved with this woman and the children know the truth. They talk to me about it all the time but they don't want us to divorce. If she should come back to Jamaica now, we can make it up, but she does not want to come. I can't say I miss her anymore, but I never had an intention for a divorce but that is where it is heading.

O.H.

Dear O.H.

I wish you had said what is the reason why your wife has not returned to you and the children. Perhaps she considers life in America much easier and much better than Jamaica. Three years is a long time for a woman to be away from her husband without even one visit. When people are in a long-distance relationship, they communicate with each other in different ways. Nevertheless, regardless how they communicate it cannot take the place of physical contact with each other.

You're blaming her for your infidelity and she is angry at you. Whether she had intended to divorce you before you got involved with this woman, I don't know, but now you are giving her valid reasons for doing so. And it is unlikely that she will forgive you, return to Jamaica and resume living with you. You seem to be comfortable having an affair with this 60-year-old woman. She has good reasons to want you. You have been a good help to her in many ways and she would be happy not to see your wife return. If you get a divorce you may consider marrying the 60-year-old woman. Discuss the matter with your children. Don't hide anything from your children. They already know a lot.

Pastor