I am confused about my 50-year-old boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 20. I have been with a 50-year-old man for almost two years. He is a good man but I keep telling myself he has someone else. He says he does not, but I find it hard to believe.

I went out a few weeks ago to a party with a friend. I did not tell him. He found out and said I betrayed him, stabbed him in the back.

He argues and keeps bringing it up. Since we have been together that was the first time I actually went somewhere with a friend. I know I was wrong and he might not trust me anymore.

He said he does not use any form of social media but he does.

Pastor, he searched my phone and found out that I use WhatsApp. He read all the messages. He saw that I sent photos to men, but they are just my friends. He said his mind is running wild because I am capable of doing other things.

He said he does not use WhatsApp. Whenever I am around him he tilts his phone as if he does not want me to see.

If his phones ring, he does not answer. When I ask why, he said he just doesn't want to answer. As soon as my phone rings, he is telling me to answer it. Sometimes I wonder if he is doing something wrong and thinking I am doing the same.

Pastor, to be honest, I love this man. I don't love him for what I can get.

INDEPENDENT

I have a daughter. I work in a bar. I have never asked for anything. I was taught to be independent, never to depend on a man. I was taught to do the best of my ability and to do everything for myself. I know I did not do well in school. I did not even get a chance to do my subjects, other things.

We used to go out a lot. It is hard at times to get him to go out. Whenever I am working he is always going somewhere.

His mother does not like me because of our age difference or maybe because my profile is way out of their line.

Besides that, I have done a lot of things, he is still with me. I wonder if he loves me just the same.

Pastor, I await your reply. Please assist or tell me if I am doing the right thing. Does this man mean me any good? I patiently await your response.

Confused

Dear Confused,

This man is not very concerned about your age. He knows he is, by far, your senior but the age is not what he is primarily concerned about. He is worried whether you are being faithful. He might not have solid proof, but believes you are a cheater.

You made matters worse by going out with a man and not informing him. If this man was a social friend you shouldn't have had any difficulty informing him. You had reasons for not telling him, so he is suspicious of your date. Who can blame him?

JEALOUS

You see, my dear, when older man are having intimate relationships with younger women they are very jealous.

Most of them believe the women will cheat. They are not always right because many younger women remain faithful to their "sugar daddies". However, others disrespect them by playing around. You said you have never asked this man for anything, but you give the impression you are not totally true to him. I hope I am wrong.

He could sense you are not genuinely in love with him. Although you have not asked him for anything, you are hoping you will come out on the right side of this relationship.

On the other hand, I don't believe this man is in love with you. He is playing a game. He is not prepared to tell you much. You will never know much about his business.

As long as his mother is alive, you will never become his wife. He will not disrespect his mother. If you know you can be without this man, you should start pulling yourself away from him. He does not trust you nor do you trust him. You are making fools of yourselves. That's the way I see it.

Pastor