My church testimony led to my break-up

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. It is bothering me. I am 23. and I am having a relationship with a 25-year-old man. We attend the same church. I was doing well at church. I am not from the area but I got a job nearby, so I started to attend the church.

I had many boyfriends before I became a Christian. I have had sex, with even two brothers, but my life changed. I stopped that life after I got baptised.

When I met this guy I told him I was not a virgin, but had changed and didn't have any more boyfriends. He told me he used to have lots of girls but would like us to be friends and, eventually, get married. We secretly dated because in my church they don't believe young people should date. We went out at nights, so nobody could see us. He likes to go to the beach but was afraid people would see and report us. Sometimes we went to Port Royal. I stayed in the car while he ordered fish. Pastor, one day in church, people were giving their testimonies and I got up and gave my testimony. I told the church I used to live a bad life, but not anymore. I don't even remember everything I said, but some people in the church have it to say I was a bad girl. They even described me as a former prostitute. From that day, my boyfriend changed. He started to say that I was not the type of girl he was looking for. I told him I didn't do those things anymore, but he said a prostitute is always a prostitute. I told him that since we were dating he forced me to have sex with him, so he is not without sin. I am confused. He caused me to love him, now he is dumping me. Do you think I should complain to our pastor?

H.N

Dear H.N,

I am glad you have put your old lifestyle behind you. Yes, you have made mistakes. Many young men and women have not lived uprightly. Some have been involved in illicit drugs, sex and gambling. In recent years we have been hearing of young people in 'scamming'.

However, in your case, you have turned to the Good Lord, and been baptised. This man came into your life and promised he would marry you. Whatever you might have said during testimony at church could not have

been detrimental to the relationship of you had fostered. These so-called Christians should push their heads in ants nests. What they are doing is destroying you. The young man has no guts. He should stand by you. Instead of condemning you, he should stand up for you. I am going to tell you what to do. Your so-called boyfriend and you have had sex. He is not perfect and neither are you. Don't run after him. Whenever he comes around, don't even allow him to touch you. Tell him to get lost, tell him you are not begging for his love, you are not convinced that he loves you. If he did, he would not have turned against you.

You don't have to complain to your pastor. I don't even think that is wise. Your pastor doesn't have to know everything you have done in the past or present.

Pastor