My wife cheats when I work at nights

Dear pastor,

I am a security officer. I have been married for five and a half years. I have five children, two with my wife and three with different women.

My wife is not qualified to do anything. She takes care of the children while I work.

Before we got married, her people, who are abroad, used to help her. One of her brothers sent her money to do a business for him. Unknown to me, she used the money to do something else. She is in a 'partner'.

She was hoping to get the partner draw to put back the money. When she got the partner money, she used it to do something else. Her brother complained to me and stopped sending her money.

Sometimes when I am at work, my wife will ask a neighbour to watch the children for her. She goes out with an old boyfriend of hers. This neighbour told a friend who told me.

I have called my wife while I am at work in the night. She doesn't answer. She said she was sleeping or the phone needed to be charged. I did not know that she was not at the house and with a man, so she couldn't answer her phone.

I asked the neighbour how often she has to keep an eye on my children. She said it happened twice and my wife was back in an hour. My wife has refused to tell me where she went during that time. I asked my wife if I am not good enough to 'service' her. She said she has not been anywhere with any man who serviced her.

I try to have sex with my wife and it is not as before. My private part won't even 'stand up' I don't know what to do.

I have given this girl everything. When I get my cheque, I pay all the bills. Pastor, imagine my wife telling me to kiss her. The lady who took care of the children when she was out said she doesn't want to get involved.

R.M

Dear R.M,

It is evident your wife is not speaking the truth. The neighbour is not lying on her. The neighbour doesn't know where she goes, but she knows she has been out more than once. Perhaps she doesn't know with whom, but she knows she wasn't home while you were at work.

You have a right to know where your wife goes while you are at work. Your wife should be ashamed to speak disrespectfully to you.

Frankly, she behaves as if she doesn't care. She has no respect for you. Perhaps she went out at nights with another man because she felt she needed financial assistance, and your security job does not allow you to earn a lot of money.

My friend, I suggest you and this woman seek a family counsellor. You know, for sure, she has left the house while you were are at work, giving you the impression that she was at home with the children.

Her behaviour is not good. What she has done is affecting your sex life. Tell her you both need professional help. If she refuses to go, then you know the marriage is on the rocks. I wish you well.

Pastor