I'm with one girlfriend, but love the other more

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular listener to your show, and a reader of your column. I am having a problem. I have two girlfriends. The one in America is white and the other, who is in Jamaica, is black. I met my white girlfriend while I was studying in America. She is the sister of one of my friends. Whenever I had a break, I used to go with my friend to his house. I became part of their family. I even cooked them Jamaican foods. They loved my cooking. I got involved with his sister. That was not my plans at all because I had a girlfriend in Jamaica.

When I saw that she and I were getting close, I told her about my girlfriend in Jamaica, but that did not stop her. At one time she asked me, how could I be sure that my girlfriend didn't have another man in Jamaica while I was in America? I told her that I did not think so because Jamaica is a small place and many people know me. I have lots of friends, so they would tell me.

Sometimes this girl gave me money because she was working. One night I was at her house and we were alone. Her brother took his parents out to a meeting. He developed problems with the car and called and told us that he was getting back late.

This girl and I had sex, Pastor. I did not know that she was still a virgin because she was 25 years old. The way she used to behave so sexy, I couldn't imagine that no man had ever her taken maiden. When I entered her, it was then I believed that she was a virgin. Before we had sex, she kissed me so passionately that I taught that she was sexually active.

MARRIAGE

She groaned a little while we were having sex, but not much. But when we were finished having sex, she told me that now that I took her virginity, I would have to marry her and forget my Jamaican girl. I could not answer her. She did not stop there. She told her brother that we had sex. I was shocked that she told him. He did not believe her so he asked me and I told him that I couldn't discuss anything about his sister and myself.

We started to go out alone and every opportunity we got, we had sex. I got to love her but I didn't know how to tell my girlfriend in Jamaica that I was with another woman, and she is white.

I came to Jamaica and I brought her brother and herself with me and tried to pretend that there was nothing between us. When I met my girlfriend, she saw right through me. I could not pretend. I told her the truth and my holiday was ruined. I had to cut short the time that I planned to stay in Jamaica. Now, this white girl wants us to get married. I am confused. My girlfriend called me. She has forgiven me for straying. I love her more than this girl. If I get married to this American girl, I wouldn't have to worry. But I don't love her as much as I love my Jamaican girl. Please help me to make the correct decision.

C.F.

Dear C.F.,

You speak as if this white American girl raped you, she did not. She did not hold a gun to your head and demand that you have sex with her. Both of you got carried away and you had sex, and continued to have sex whenever it is convenient to do so.

You are trying to put the blame on this girl; you know better. I cannot blame her for putting pressure on you now to marry her. After all, you took her virginity and before that you behaved as a part of her family. I am not saying that you are obligated to marry her. If your love for her is not strong, but you continue to have an intimate relationship with her, you are playing with her emotions and that is wrong.

BLACK BASTARD

If you know that you will never marry her, break up with her now. Her brother and even her parents might turn against you, and might even say that you are a 'black bastard'. But it is better for them to curse you now, than for you to live a life of unhappiness in the years ahead with a woman you do not truly love.

May I ask, sir, how is the relationship with your Jamaican girl? How are you going to convince her that you love her more than the white girl? Perhaps, after you have broken up with the white girl, you may give the Jamaican girl, her number to call her and to hear from the horse's mouth, so to speak, whether you have truly left her or whether you are fooling her.

I must warn you, however, that that is a risk because if the white girl turns against you, she may tell the Jamaican girl things about you that are not true. But it is a risk I would encourage you to take.

I wish you well.

Pastor